


Someone Decent

by Jerrys_Acolyte



Category: Undertale (Video Game)
Genre: Character Death, Consent is Sexy, Economy, Eventual Smut, F/F, F/M, Food Poisoning, Friendzone, Grief/Mourning, Hospitals, Hurt/Comfort, Mild Blood, No Beta -Blame Jerry, No Gore, On Hiatus, Slow Burn, This Ambulance is Haunted, Writing from the Hip, Xenophobia
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-03-30
Updated: 2020-09-30
Packaged: 2021-03-01 04:48:41
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 15
Words: 33,359
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23389030
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Jerrys_Acolyte/pseuds/Jerrys_Acolyte
Summary: The Swap brothers meet two ladies and settle in for a nice sappy romance... eventually.Meanwhile, Sweet Honeyed Iced Tea hits the fan a few times, getting steadily messier, but don't give up HP.Last chapter Hiatus announcement.
Relationships: Papyrus & Muffet, Papyrus/OC, Sans & Toriel (Undertale), papyrus & oc, sans & oc, sans/OC
Comments: 20
Kudos: 16





	1. Meet Me at Muffet's

“Muffet, sweetheart, _angel_ , light of my life, keeper of the sacred pastries; marry me now!”

Muffet tittered, blushing delicately as she leaned close and traced a finger along Papyrus’s jaw. He leaned into the touch, eye sockets loving. “Papyrus, loyal and faithful above all, sweet talker of the honeyed tongue; I would be delighted to consider your flattering proposal... after you’ve paid your damn tab.”

Papyrus recoiled as if shot, hands clutching the faded black tank top over his chest. “Oh! You wound me! I’ll never recover! I can never love again!”

“Good thing you loved honey before you proposed.” Muffet teased, offering another bottle.

“My first love comes to heal my broken soul.” Papyrus crooned, taking the bottle and squeezing a large dollop between his teeth -not disturbing the burning cigarette that hung loosely in the air next to his teeth.

Muffet shook her head and sauntered gracefully to the other end of the bar. “And what can I get you, dearie?” She asked the human. “Usual?”

Katie gave the spider monster a tired but grateful smile and nodded. Two of Muffet’s arms set two shot glasses on the bar next to the human while a third arm took a bottle of whiskey from her selection and filled the glasses. At the same time two more hands picked over the shelf and appeared to hold most of Muffet’s attention as her last hand tapped thoughtfully against her chin. The whiskey was covered and set back on the shelf while three other bottles were selected and poured in a mixer with different colored cubes that glittered like sugar. While these were shaken together, Muffet took a large glass and dropped a scoop of blue Nice Cream inside. A long spoon, a glass straw, and Muffet poured the fizzing concoction in. “I recommend a Floaty-Yum for a hard day.” Muffet offered the final product to the human.

Katie smiled again, her eyes brightening. “That obvious?” She asked, accepting the drink.

“Only to someone with eyes.” Muffet said, winking three of the five.

The human chuckled and sipped her monster float, humming in appreciation. The drink was thick, chilled by the Nice Cream and vibrant with many flavors that were vibrant, but still new to humans. Alone the float was great, but like most of Muffet’s drinks it came with the afterthought; _this would go perfectly with a spider donut or croissant..._

Maybe dipping a toe into the realm of magic compulsion on the outskirts of magical mind-control some humans worried about, but the suggestion wasn’t wrong.

Her favorite funny bones and only human regular seen to -if anyone asked, Muffet never heard of ‘Chara’ and certainly didn’t supply the teenaged ambassador with chocolatey treats- the spider monster set all six arms to work mixing up another round for the rabbits. When the drinks were finished, Cupcake skittered out of the kitchen and took the drinks and some fresh snacks out to the tables where a couple games of Spades were under way.

Nobody knew how Rabee played the four-player game alone, nor why he never improved enough to win. On the other hand, Lagus and Lupus were unbeatable, even on the rare occasion that they weren’t playing against Lops -who couldn’t keep his ears out of his eyes- and Pika -who was too small to hold the cards and see over them at the same time.

Cupcake efficiently delivered the fresh drinks and bussed the tables, then paused by a seemingly unoccupied table and chittered irritably at it. A swarm of spiders dropped and crawled out from the table, hurrying back to the kitchen followed by Cupcake’s scolding.

In the corner, Drunk Dog had fallen asleep as usual and started muffled barking, leg twitching in response to some dream until she fell out of her seat with a surprised yelp. She decided to just curl up and go to sleep on the floor rather than sitting up and risking another thump on the head from the table.

At the jukebox, Maxi the mouse perused the selection. She’d had a few and while she could keep a conversation going cheerfully enough if addressed, it had taken her half and hour to read the twenty options on the current page of the song menu.

The place was warm -spiders don’t appreciate the cold- and usually quiet. Sometimes Papyrus would start cutting up with someone or another, maybe Maxi might find a song she liked, but tonight was quiet, which surely meant they could expect-

**_ BAM! _ **

The door swung open, pounding against the wall and causing Drunk Dog to snort in her sleep.

“PAPPY! WHERE HAVE YOU BEEN?!” Sans Skeleton, affectionately ‘Blue’, yelled as he jogged into the bar. “YOU PROMISED TO BE HOME FOR DINNER TONIGHT!”

Papyrus spun on his bar stool. “Hey bro. I did. I will.” He replied calmly, though the edge of his placid smile twitched in amusement. His eye sockets -unnaturally shadowed by far more than mere magic- crinkled at the sides with mild anticipation. He made no move to get up from his seat.

The shorter of the two skeletons stormed over to his far taller, lankier sibling. “COME ON, PAPYRUS! YOU KNOW WHO WE’RE HAVING FOR DINNER! I HAVE TO GET STARTED ON THE FINAL PREPARATIONS AND I NEED YOU TO ENTERTAIN WHILE I WORK, BUT YOU’RE STILL IN YOUR WORK CLOTHES!” He gestured to Papyrus’s filthy coveralls, loosed down to the hips.

That smile twitched again, the cigarette shaking and losing a little ash to his brother’s obvious horror. “Sure thing. Who’s coming again?”

Blue lit up his namesake color. “YOU KNOW PERFECTLY WELL WHO! NOW HURRY!” Without waiting for his brother to move, Blue snatched him off the bar stool and carried him as he turned to jog out of the building.

Papyrus made a show of tucking his hands behind his skull and relaxing in his brother’s hold. “Put it on my tab, Muff.” He called.

“Say ‘Hi’ to King Toriel for me!” Muffet called back.

“Yeah, tell Toriel we said ‘Hi!’” Lops called.

“Hello Toriel!” “HI!”

“Give ‘er a smooch!” Pika squeaked.

“MWEH!” Blue complained, glowing brighter as he sprinted from the bar.

When the skeleton brothers were gone, the remaining patrons had a generally quiet laugh before returning to their indulgence in the warm atmosphere. Drunk Dog reached out with one paw and kicked the door shut.

Katie took the second of her whiskey shots, washing it down with a long sip of Floaty-Yum. “I didn’t think they lived around here.” She commented to Muffet.

“Oh, they don’t.” Muffet said airily. Those two live a few miles...” One hand waved a cleaning cloth generally in one direction. “There-ish.” Katie frowned, trying to think through the fog -the Floaty-Yum was stronger than she’d expected. Papyrus bragged loud and long about his brother, so the human had heard about Blue’s ‘super cool’ motorcycle and ‘even cooler’ safe driving habits which included not allowing his drunken brother to ride side car. Muffet must have figured the cause of Katie’s confusion. “Oh, Blue doesn’t use his motorcycle when picking Papyrus up.”

Katie had a remark about Blue clearly using his hands to pick Papyrus up on the tip of her tongue, but it couldn’t get past the Nice Cream.

“Those two...” Muffet trailed off thoughtfully.

Katie swallowed before offering, “Monster thing?” Many explanations to the human ended this way, she was cool with it.

But Muffet hummed, displeased. “No, I think it’s a skeleton thing. The WaterDriver is also a skeleton and all three of them handle distance... differently.” She pursed her lips, unhappy with the explanation, then closed four of her eyes and shook her head. “I can’t explain it better because I don’t understand it myself.”

The human nodded, then leaned her head on one hand. She had a pleasantly sleepy look on her face which Muffet opened another eye to consider. “Hmm. Nice to know monsters can confuse each other, too.” Muffet frowned, tilting her head at the human, all five eyes opened and focused. Katie grinned. “Human behavior confuses humans. Its only fair monsters confuse each other, too.”

Muffet chuckled softly, then patted the human’s head affectionately. “I think you’ve had enough, dearie.”

Katie frowned, thinking for a moment, then sighed and sat up. “Yeah, you’re right.”

“I’ll let Cupcake know.” Muffet reached up and pulled a nearly invisible thread of webbing over her head.

“Thanks, Muffet.” Katie pulled her wallet out and paid her tab for the night, including a healthy tip which was a large reason for Muffet’s fondness of the human. She lifted the large glass and toasted Muffet with the last of the Floaty-Yum before Cupcake came out of the kitchens. Cupcake stayed by Katie’s side as she left the bar, waving to the rabbits and pausing to scratch Drunk Dog behind the ears -earning a grateful tail thump.

They left the bar and walked down the street, Cupcake skittering between Katie and the road should the incapacitated human sway or meander. As the only human regular, and one who only lived a couple blocks from the bar, it was agreed by all that it was better safe than sorry to make sure she got home safely this way, rather than something happening and reflecting on Muffet’s in particular and monsters in general.

Tonight, Katie’s attention was not on walking. Cupcake had to nudge her a couple times as the human looked up and around, listening to a high pitched wailing the monsters had come to realize was common on the surface, or in Ebott at least. Not all of them had mastered its meaning and tracking as humans do. At the intersection, Cupcake paused before stepping off the sidewalk, but Katie put out a hand and gently pushed the monster back. Cupcake chittered curiously but Katie held up her other hand to indicate he wait a little longer despite the WALK sign. Soon, the wailing drew closer. Nearby dogs started howling and then an ambulance truck came zipping down the road, lights flashing and siren almost ear splitting in pitch and volume. Though he was supposed to be protecting Katie, Cupcake recoiled against her as the truck passed. He’d never seen one so close and _loud_.

The truck passed. Katie smiled idly after it. It drove a couple blocks before pulling over in front of a restaurant, siren cutting off but lights still flashing. The side door opened and a paramedic jumped out, dragging a large case from inside and slinging it over a shoulder before he hurried into the building. A moment later, another paramedic stepped out the driver’s side, going around back and opening the doors, then began unhooking and rolling out the stretcher.

Cupcake sheepishly pulled away from Katie and looked both ways down the street before stepping off the curb again. Katie followed, humming a drinking song Drunk Dog sometimes howled.


	2. Dinner Party

“I’m not crazy this time!” Zack cheered. There were tears of joy in his eyes as he punched the air and danced where he stood.

“Congratulations, the battery was really on the fritz… again.” Elle applauded her partner with only the mildest of snark.

Papyrus chuckled as he seated the new battery into place. Zack, Elle, and good ol’ G-05T -their ambulance- had been in and out of his garage almost weekly for the last six months. Half the time, Zack complained of banging, clattering, or revving that had him convinced the ancient ambulance was finally going to die… noises Elle never seemed to hear.

The other half of the time -well, it really was an _old_ ambulance.

This time, Zack and Elle’s boss allowed them to call Papyrus in to their department’s bay when the ambulance simply refused to start for anyone. The most common problem for any ambulance was a dead battery, and Papyrus was reasonably sure this was the oldest functioning ambulance in Ebott after the car club’s antiques.

Zack was still doing his celebratory ‘I’m sane’ boogie when Papyrus finished hooking up the battery and signaled to Elle to turn it over. A click, a grumble, and finally a satisfying roar as the old engine came to life again. Papyrus released the hood prop and let the heavy steel slam into place. Behind the wheel, Elle was grinning with satisfaction. She patted the dashboard like a good puppy, then hopped out of the truck, joining Zack’s dance for a few beats before turning to Papyrus. She held out her hand, still grinning and not flinching at either the buildup of grease and grime inherent to any mechanic, nor the otherwise bare bones of a skeleton monster. “Thanks for coming out. Batteries are easy, but…” She cast a bemused glance at her partner -his dance now included air guitar and he was killing the solo. “He gets jumpy around this truck for some reason.”

Papyrus shrugged. “No problem.” He wasn’t going to complain over any excuse to get away from his garage. They hired him because he was the best around. They weren’t happy that the best around was a monster. Zack and Elle treated him far better than his ‘work buddies’ so… He cleared his throat -earning that _look_ humans got when they tried to figure out the why’s and how’s- and said, “Actually, uh, I told my bro about you guys…”

Zack’s guitar solo and dance immediately died and he groaned, convinced that every monster in Ebott now knew about the lunatic human paramedic.

“-and he wants me to invite ya for dinner.”

The humans both paused and exchanged a look. “Us?” Elle asked, pointing to herself for a moment, then toward Zack as an afterthought.

Papyrus shrugged and nodded. He started to tuck his hands in his usual but currently absent front pocket, then reoriented to tuck them into his coverall pockets. “Yeah, you two. No pressure or anything, just an invite. Wants to meet ya. If you’re cool with tacos.” One hand fiddled with his lighter and Papyrus resisted the impulse to reach for a cigarette. Elle had already destroyed three of his cigarettes for smoking near her precious ambulance; she might try to smother _him_ if he lit up in their bay with five other ambulances.

It wasn’t like she’d hold back for friendship sake. Papyrus was just their mechanic and these two were just two kind of funny clients who didn’t act like they hated his absentee guts. Most humans, even nice ones, were either scared of monsters in general or certain types (like skeletons) in particular. Still, for his brother Papyrus had extended the same invitation to a dozen other humans only to receive the expected scorn or polite excuses. For his brother, he'd keep asking.

“When?” Zack asked.

“Where?” Elle added.

“What?” Papyrus blinked.

“Uh…” Both humans intoned sheepishly before Elle spoke up, “We mean; yes, that would be nice. Thank you for asking.”

Papyrus blinked, knocked off balance by the acceptance. “Ah, whenever you’re available? Blue does all the cooking and always makes too much. So, just let me know and I can get you our address. Cool?”

“Cool!” Zack agreed. Elle smiled and nodded eagerly. Numbers and information were exchanged. Papyrus felt relieved and -yes- a little excited? He kind of liked these two and thought Zack could match Blue’s energy and Elle might get along with him, too. Blue could always use more trustworthy friends. Blue was the coolest.

After the bill was written up and paid -by their lieutenant this time, why did medics have lieutenants?- Papyrus left the bay with a skip in his step. TWO humans accepted his invitation. Blue was going to be psyched.

~~~

“I don’t feel right about this.” Zack complained as they walked along the primrose path.

“It’s not that weird… Lots of people don’t take their holiday decorations down.” Elle eyed the flag and lights above the house. “Wait, would skeletons hang the Jolly Roger for Halloween or is that just a thing?”

“I don’t know! That’s the problem!” Zack grumbled.

Elle stopped dead in her tracks and stared at Elle in shock. “Wait, you’re telling me you have a problem with monsters?”

“No!” Zack snapped, lowering his voice as they stepped onto the porch. “I have a problem accepting a virtual stranger’s dinner invitation _just_ because we’re pathetic and desperate for a home-cooked meal.”

Her partner -and roommate- nodded solemnly. “Yes. I see. You’re absolutely right.” Elle turned and held an arm out, inviting Zack to retrace their steps to where their ride-share was long gone. “Tell you what. We’ll just make our excuses, head right back home, and ease our guilty conscience with microwaved HealthyEats!™… again.”

Zack mashed the doorbell so hard he nearly dislocated his finger.

Elle didn’t have time to snicker before the door was flung open and they were blinded by a set of star shaped headlights. “You made it! Welcome to our home!” The skeleton gushed. Unlike Papyrus, who towered over the medics and on the rare occasion of standing up straight was taller than their ambulance, this skeleton came up to Zack’s chin, Elle’s nose. He wore a smartly tailored button down with a blue ascott or neckerchief that nearly matched his brilliant blue eye lights. Zack noticed but politely ignored the smoke now seeping out the open door, but Elle had already been pulled into an enthusiastic handshake. “Thank you for coming, and for being such good friends with Pappy!”

“Our P-pleasure. Y-you must b-be Blue.” Elle wasn’t one to stutter, but her arm was being shaken too energetically to speak straight.

“Yes! All my friends call me that so I do hope you will, too.” Blue said, releasing Elle to shake Zack’s hand with the same enthusiasm. His eyes bugged when he felt the strength behind the smaller monster. Once Blue had finished the greeting, he zipped between the humans to usher them inside. “Come in! Come in! Make yourselves at home! The tacos are almost ready!”

The humans noticed a shoe rack and promptly began removing their shoes as they looked around the house. It was an interesting build with living room open to the balconied second floor and an open kitchen doorway. The decorations and fixtures were as warm and cozy as they were garish. One particularly well-loved piece of furniture was a ?green couch -yes, with a question mark- occupied by a set of worn socks, a hole in one sock revealing a toe’s worth of phalange bones.

“Papyrus! Your friends from work are here! Stop lazing about and greet them!” Blue scolded.

The sock without a hole waved. Zack snickered. Blue scurried past his guests and to the couch. Apparently, he physically sat his brother up as a familiar skull and the shoulders of a faded orange hoodie soon appeared over the back of the couch. Papyrus now deemed it appropriate to turn and wave, grinning around the sucker clamped between his teeth. “Yo.”

Blue hissed through his teeth. The sound wasn’t hostile but had the effect of moving the bone around his mouth so they _almost_ looked like puffed cheeks. The medics were astounded. “Papyrus, talk to your guests!” He insisted. “I have to finish dinner!” The skeleton dropped his scowling huff and returned to his welcoming beam when he turned back to the two humans. “Like I said; make yourself at home!”

Elle waited until Blue had hurried back to the smoking kitchen before leaning over to Zack and whispering as quietly as possible. “He’s cute.”

Zack turned to her with wide eyes. “Woman.” He said, not bothering to expand on his incredulity before heading over to the couch. “Hey! Papyrus. How you doin’?”

Papyrus nodded and conducted his host duties by forking over the remote. “All fine.” He reported. “Thanks for comin’.”

Zack accepted the dignity and responsibility of the clicker by flopping comfortably onto the couch beside Papyrus, obediently following the dictates of ‘make yourself at home’. Elle preferred to stand behind the couch, resting her arms on the back and refusing to input any opinion as to what to watch.

Napstaton’s network was passed over. “I thought monsters were crazy about him?” Elle asked curiously. Zack gave her a scolding _look._ Elle shrugged.

“Eh, Blue likes him, but I don’t think he’s got much panache.” Papyrus replied. “Now his cousin? Happi’s got flare, but’s kinda shy.”

“I like Napstaton’s music, but you’re right; the videos aren’t much.” Zack agreed, flipping to a ‘science’ channel running a cryptid hunters marathon. “Wait, they still have these?” He asked, pulling up the guide to confirm the episode had first aired after the barrier fell a few years prior.

“What do you mean?” Papyrus asked.

“He means ‘they’re still looking for bigfoot after monsters showed up.’” Elle explained. Zack shot her another look, as if her willful refusal of Political Correctness might kill him.

Papyrus looked curiously over at Zack. “Why would they stop? We weren’t hiding Bigfoot or Nessie under the mountain.”

Zack thought about this. “Oh.” So they settled on a show comparing various lake monster legends… with special guest Onion-San helping the host and cast members navigate a small sea East of Ebott.

The show hadn’t quite ended before Blue cheerfully announced, “Dinner’s ready!” He set a large tray of tacos on the table, already set for four. The humans and the lanky skeleton made their way to the table and the humans sat as directed so that each faced a monster and had a familiar face at their side. It felt -somehow- calculated for maximum friend potential. Blue dished up three tacos apiece and asked if anyone wanted drinks other than water.

Papyrus held up a hand. “How about some hon-” He yipped and jumped suspiciously while Blue refused to look at him and only kept smiling at their guests.

“Water’s fine.” Elle said. Zack nodded.

Blue looked a little disappointed. “You sure? We have lots of healthy options; milk, tea?”

“Maybe next time?” Zack offered.

Magic words. Blue’s eyes turned star shaped and the humans were only saved from blindness because the namesake blue color in his eyes deepened. “Next time, definitely.” He agreed. “I’ll hold you to that!” Satisfied he’d fulfilled his hosting duties, Blue pulled out his chair and hopped into it.

Before guests and hosts could suffer the mildly uncomfortable eye contact everyone politely tried to figure out if there was some kind of formality they would stand on, Papyrus saved the situation by taking the first bite and freeing everyone to eat. The humans stared, as humans always did when they saw one of the skeleton brothers eat for the first time, trying to adapt their ideas of how eating was supposed to work with the brothers’ complete lack of flesh, but both were quick to realize what they were doing and stop staring, focusing on their food instead.

The tacos were… interesting. The shells were crunchy, but didn’t look like corn and were smeared with ash. Where the ash came from was a mystery as the meat hadn’t reached that stage -not quite. On top of the meat was a generous helping of lettuce, tomato, sour cream, and glittery salsa.

Zack hesitated, glancing up at Papyrus again to see if the skeleton was really eating this… “food.” The first taco with the missing bite was on his plate, the second taco was missing. There had been no crunching since the first bite. What had happened to the second taco? Zack tried to ask the question without giving himself away. Papyrus’s eye lights flickered to his brother, trying to figure out how to respond without giving them away.

Elle took a bite of her taco, chewed thoroughly, swallowed, and grinned. “You made these yourself?”

“Yes! From scratch, as you humans say! What do you think? Don’t spare my feelings!”

But Elle was already taking a second bite and could only hum her enthusiasm.

Papyrus and Zack stared openly as Elle happily wolfed down the first, then the second taco. Blue giggled.

“See, bro? I told you they’d love your cooking.” Papyrus said. Zack glanced back at Papyrus who held up a single finger where Blue wouldn’t see it. Zack agreed with the smallest of nods and summoned all his willpower to try the first taco on his plate.

It was cool to the touch. Zack lifted it, canted the shell, and tried to avoid the meat as much as possible while biting.

No. No, nononononononononononono. The shell was not corn. The ash coated Zack’s mouth, but then the salsa rinsed it away and… nononono that was so HOT! TOO HOT!!! His mouth was on fire and even his lips were burning. Why? _Why?!_ The ice crystals in the overcooked meat did nothing to ease the heat. In fact; Zack suspected the meat was over spiced, too. Maybe even the lettuce and tomato. Zack snatched up his glass of water, forgetting to spit the garbage out before he started chugging, causing him to swallow the stuff instead. He was going to regret that later. Right now he just needed the pain to stop!

Gasping, sweat running down his forehead, Zack finally put the nearly empty glass down. It still hurt, but he'd survived.

Papyrus was watching him carefully. Zack dared to glance to his right; Elle was wiping her mouth with a napkin delicately, eying her third taco, but she paused long enough to smile at Zack. Zack looked to his left. Blue was watching him expectantly.

Big, big blue eye lights… The guy practically radiated something fresh and good… and he wanted words. Zack couldn’t remember how to words, which was tragic because he REALLY needed more water. He looked to Papyrus for support.

Papyrus’s warm, pale amber eye lights were gone. Death stared him down. Body language wasn’t required; Zack WOULD say something nice.

Zack swallowed again. His tongue was burnt to a cinder, how was he supposed to talk with it?

“Zack?” Elle was a good paramedic. Seeing her partner flushed and sweaty would naturally concern her.

Words! Zack inhaled and opened his mouth but could only huff at first. He quickly tried again as killing intent started radiating from across the table. “Hoo… Ha… That’s… that’s really spicy.”

Elle and Papyrus relaxed, for different reasons. Papyrus blinked and smiled as his eyelights returned, then pointed downward. Zack looked and saw that his own second taco was now AWOL. A reward for his sacrifice.

Blue lit up; both his eyes and the bones beneath his eye sockets. “Thank you! It’s my own special recipe! Even Alphys can’t make salsa this hot, and she’s the one who taught me to cook!”

“That’s amazing! I can’t even boil water for ramen.” Elle confessed. Zack shrugged and waved a hand, confirming the truth of that statement.

“That’s terrible!” Blue gasped, then turned to his brother. “Not even ramen!”

Papyrus sipped his water and shrugged. “Undyne can’t either. She uses an electric kettle.”

Blue huffed and shook his head at the horrors of people who couldn’t cook healthy meals for themselves. He considered his own tacos, untouched as he’d waited for his guests to enjoy their supper.

And then, an idea came to him. A wonderful idea full of possibility. He smiled at his guests, hopeful. “If you want -and it wouldn’t be too much trouble- I could give you a few lessons.”

Elle returned the hopeful smile, “Really? I’d love that!”

Zack stared at his remaining taco in horror, then looked up and glared at Papyrus. The skeleton couldn’t decide whether to laugh or be frightened by what he’d unleashed when he’d introduced these two.


	3. Walk You Home?

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Stretch is a gentleman to a lady in need.

The first time Katie walked into Muffet’s, she was dressed to kill and had the bloody knuckles to prove it.

This had understandably disturbed the monsters. Usually when they saw a human with such anger and that kind of injury, it meant danger.

But Katie had only paused at the bar to politely requested use of the bathroom. She’d come out of the human mandated ‘facility’ with clean -though still injured- hands, makeup scrubbed off, hair tied back, torn nylons removed. From dressed to kill down to 'feeling pretty'. She thanked Muffet, left a tip for the trouble, and walked out.

A week later she was back, this time dressed in Truitt Motor’s factory coveralls with metal shavings in her bushy hair. Katie ordered two shots of whiskey and whatever the barkeep recommended. The human spent the rest of the evening quietly taking in the atmosphere. The visits continued and she became Muffet’s first human regular (to which she could serve liquor.)

But that first night wasn’t a fluke. Once in a while, Katie had another ‘bad night.’ She would show up late in the evening, again dressed for someone special who had proved less than special, and ready to drink round after round of hard liquor. It was a struggle for the monsters on those nights. Human souls are powerful, far more powerful than monster souls. Most of the time that didn’t make much difference, but on Katie’s ‘bad nights’ her soul quietly leaked sadness and brought down the entire bar. It felt like being Underground again. That pressure on their souls monsters had struggled with from the day they were trapped to the hour of their release, and whenever the fear of being trapped again boiled up. It almost tempted Muffet to cut the human off early and sent her home.

But on the other hand -and Muffet had five others to choose from- no other human customers did that. It meant Katie was comfortable enough at Muffet’s she could let down some shield over her soul when she was hurting and vulnerable. As far as Muffet, her spiders, and her regulars were concerned; that made Katie _their_ drunk sad human.

Pika would come to the bar to order -allowing their human to give him a scratch behind the ears and mutter about ‘fluffy.’ Minnie would drop a g in the jukebox and play Katie’s favorite. Drunk dog once shifted from sleeping under her usual table to the floor near Katie’s feet… and was soon joined by Katie. A couple times, Cupcake had covered the human with a blanket and let her sleep it off, but other nights the sadness from her soul would ease up and Muffet had her escorted safely home to her own bed.

Tonight was the latter. The monsters all breathed a collective sigh of relief as Katie’s soul stopped weighing on them shortly after midnight. Katie had her head cradled in her arms and began idly humming a tune as drunk as she was until suddenly she slid to the floor and landed with a yelp. Rabee snickered into his cards. Muffet sighed and pulled the thread that would alert Cupcake she needed them out front, but Papyrus reminded her, “You sent Cupcake to Ice Wolf’s with the cake.”

“Oh my, yes I did.” Muffet frowned, pressing her fangs against her lip in irritation. Though she loved to bake, she didn’t often make cakes. She felt silly for forgetting the litter announcement cake (7 pups!) She glanced worriedly to where the human was valiantly climbing back onto the stool -eyes still wide from the fright. “I really can’t send her home like that.” Muffet fretted.

Papyrus dropped his honey bottle -still half full- into his storage and stood easily, not too buzzed for a change. “I got it, Muffs.”

Muffet smiled, relieved. “Thank you, Papyrus. She’s a block that way. Mind the intersection.”

The skeleton nodded and walked over to where Katie had successfully conquered the barstool was already burying her face in her arms again, intent on another nap. Papyrus knocked gently on the wood beside her.

“Who’s there?” Katie mumbled… or it sounded mumbly filtered through her arms.

“Wanda.”

Katie squinted over her arms, confused. “Wanda who?”

“Wanda friend to walk ya home?” Papyrus offered.

Katie considered for a second… two… three… then nodded. “Yeah.” Papyrus offered her his hand and she took it, stumbling as she attempted the complicated gymnastics of standing up. She tried to take a step and tripped again.

“You know what? Have a seat. You need to be stable for this.” Papyrus helped Katie onto a different bar stool, then held the hand she’d given him palm-up with his hand supporting hers. “Mind holding something for me?” He asked, grinning. Katie shook her head. Papyrus pushed her shoulder to stop her from leaning to the side. When she was more or less secured again, Papyrus handed her a blue bone.

Katie grabbed it out of habit, singeing a single point off her HP. “That stung.” She complained. Her tone was flat, it hadn’t hurt her. Most adult humans had enormous amounts of HP, they lost a point just watching the News.

“Sorry, but you’re blue now. Getting you home will be lots easier.” Papyrus explained.

Katie frowned deeply, almost pouting. “Why am I blue? Did Muffet give me something funny?” She looked closely at her hand -which hadn’t changed colors.

Papyrus chuckled, “No sweets. Ask me when you’re sober.”

“’Kay.” Katie agreed. Papyrus gently tugged her forward. Katie hopped off the barstool and her feet tangled, but with a little soul magic she stayed upright.

“See ya, Muff!” Papyrus called, snagging a pair of abandoned heels before guiding the human to the door.

“Bye Muffet.” Katie mumbled. Muffet spared two hands to wave them off while four arms re-arranged the bottles behind the bar.

“Bye Papyrus!”

“See ya, Paps!”

“Get her home safe!”

“No hanky-panky or I’ll tell your brother on you!” Lops teased.

Papyrus flushed a light amber. “Oh geeze. I’m bein’ a gentleman here!”

“He’s a gentleman.” Katie agreed with a sharp nod, words slurring. “Doesn’t hide cards ‘n ‘is ears.”

“ _WHAT?!_ ” The Lupin pair demanded.

“Oh, oh. Walk a little faster, sweets.” Papyrus advised, hurrying from the building as the rabbits began arguing heatedly.

Katie stared downward. Somewhere in her alcohol-soaked mind she saw the discrepancy between how her feet refused to do as told and how she was passing out the threshold of Muffet’s without falling and busting her face.

Papyrus paused outside the bar and looked both ways before remembering which direction Muffet had given him, then started walking. The surface was great, but there were so many new places he didn’t have a shortcut to, yet. A lot more walking than he’d been used to underground. Katie leaned as heavily on him as the blue magic on her soul allowed, which wasn’t bad. Humans tended to run warm. Papryus liked that.

After a couple minutes of blue-assisted walking, Katie whined. “Men suck.”

“Some do, others prefer not to.” Papyrus quipped, but his buddy didn’t seem to pick up on the innuendo.

“Why do I only get the sucky ones?” The human continued to whine.

“I’m sure not all the guys you’ve dated-” don’t make a gay joke, humans don’t like those- “were that bad.”

Katie nodded, almost losing her position against Papyrus’s arm. “Yup. Cheaters, jerks. Mark was married. He was _married!_ ” She hissed and pulled away from Papyrus. “We went someplace nice. Then his wife showed up. She called me a… a…” Katie’s ire evaporated in an instant as she choked and hiccupped. “… we hadn’t even kissed. Why did she call me that?” Her voice shook before shooting up a couple octaves. A storefront window they were passing vibrated threateningly. “He was _married!_ I didn’t know!” She finished with a pathetic little whine, then flopped -or stumbled again, either way- back against Papyrus.

Papyrus sighed and wrapped a comforting arm around her shoulders, allowing him to hold her steadier than his blue magic alone could while they walked. “Rotten guy. Definitely sucky.” He agreed. Katie hummed, acknowledging the consolation. “Is this the same thing that happened last month?” It was a stupid, rude question, but Papyrus was only sober enough to walk the lady home -not enough for driving or tact.

Katie grumbled. “Tom. He works at Truitt in the higher offices.” She explained, though ‘offices’ ran together and had too many ‘s’ hisses. “Offered me a promotion if I’d sleep with him before I wanted to.”

Papyrus nodded. “Sucky.”

Katie continued to grumble under her breath, likely complaining about the other men who done her wrong. As she fell silent, Papyrus asked another question he attributed to Muffet’s special honey. “Why not try a monster?”

“Nobody asked… asks…axed…” Katie said. She frowned and tilted her head, trying to look up at him with her head resting on his chest as they walked. Again, only magic kept her upright. “Do humans and monsters date?”

Papyrus nodded. “Sometimes.”

“Hm-m. ’Kay.” She paused a beat before repeating. “Nobody asked. Girls don’t have to wait but…” She shrugged. “I never ask first. Shy?” Again she hummed.

“What kind of guy would you ask?” Papyrus probed, curious.

“Hmmm… somebody decent… ‘ts all I want. A guy who’s not sucky.” Papyrus was about to chalk that up to the heartbreak and booze before she added, “Doesn’t gotta be -like- Robert Downey Jr. or whatever… just a decent guy… fun to hang out with. Cuddles maybe. You know?” She looked up at him again. "I like cuddles." Papyrus nodded and she looked forward again, humming contentedly.

They walked a little longer, both deep in thought and different levels of booze, before Papyrus asked, “So which one is your place?”

Katie pointed behind her shoulder. “’bout two blocks that-a-way.” She said, no accusation in her voice whatsoever.

“Whoops.” Papyrus looked around, realizing how far they’d walked before he led them into a U-turn on the sidewalk. “Just a little too far.”

Katie giggled. It was a feminine but short little giggle, one that frequently followed either Papyrus’s _brilliant_ humor or some of the rabbits’ antics at the bar. With her leaning against him all warm, soft, and trusting, Papyrus decided he liked that giggle.

A block and a half later, he reminded Katie that he didn’t actually know where she lived. She gave him directions and he kept the blue magic going until she had succeeded in unlocking the door to her apartment. It was one of those buildings where all the doors are outside. Not the safest, but the door and locks appeared solid. The locks were really nice, actually…

But it was rude to pick friends’ locks. Papyrus was a skeleton with standards, after all. Blue made sure of that.

(Maybe he’d ask another time…)

When Katie opened the second lock and pushed the door open, she turned and gave Papyrus a drunkard’s hug. “Thank you for being a gentleman.” She told his sweatshirt.

“Anytime.” Papyrus agreed.

Katie pulled back and smiled at him before carefully making her way inside, giving him a friendly wave, then closing the door and redoing her locks. The brass and steel slid solidly into place.

He was definitely asking to pick those locks sometime…

And he liked that smile, too.


	4. Running Buddies

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Buddies Blue and Elle go to the park. They exercise, talk about friends and family, and Elle has a mean thought?

“No-o-o-o…” Elle whined as she and her linens were dragged unceremoniously off the bed. She was then shaken out of her blanket cocoon. “No… Let me sleep.” She begged, curling up on the floor and trying to burrow back into the blankets.

Zack was merciless. He whipped the covers away, tossing them back on the bed. “ _You_ agreed to go running with Blue. _You_ said getting up before dawn wasn’t a problem. _You_ made me promise to get you up, and you do this _every time!_ So; GET UP.”

“s-too early.” Elle whimpered, burying her face in her arms. “… coffee?”

“Not before a workout. You hate running with caffeine.” Zack reminded her. Elle moaned and groaned as Zack grabbed the back of her pajamas and dragged his roommate out of her room, down the hall, and into the bathroom.

Ten minutes later Elle had managed to change into proper clothes for a run and was pulling her hair back, though she still blinked sleepily. “Coming with us?” She offered again.

Zack didn’t bother with refusing anymore and just waved at her before disappearing back into his bedroom. Elle shrugged and left the apartment. She stretched some in the front hall, then speed-walked out of the building and down the street, pausing at intersections to do pushup sets or lunges.

At the park she found the Six Souls Memorial; a fountain and stone statue of six hearts. The former queen of monsters, Asgore, had commissioned the piece and requested it be placed in the park as it represented a human loss as much as a somber reminder for monsters. Beneath the statue was a plague with four names engraved and the dates they’d gone missing. The other two fallen children whose souls eventually released the monsters had yet to be identified. It was beginning to look doubtful they ever would.

Blue was waiting beside the statue, pumping out some rapid situps in the morning dew. “Hey!” Elle called.

Blue rolled back onto his shoulders and pushed himself up and onto his feet in a move right out of a martial arts film or anime. His eye lights shown brighter than the morning star behind him as he waved. “Good morning, human friend! Have you safely warmed up and stretched so as to prevent injury?”

“I’m good, you?”

“MWEH-HEH-HEH! The magnificent Sans is always prepared!” Blue boasted.

“Okay.” Elle agreed. “Then I don’t need to count down to start.”

Blue canted his skull to the side, curious. “Start what?”

“RACE!” Elle broke into a sprint down the outdoor fitness path.

“MWEH! JAPED AGAIN!” Blue gasped, but Elle could already hear his boots running behind her. She wasn’t sure why, but he insisted on wearing some kind of costume with boots, his usual gloves and even poltroons and a chest guard when they ran together in the mornings. She’d seen him in his Royal Guard uniform and that wasn’t it. Still, the important thing about fitness clothes is they be comfortable. Blue never asked about Elle’s funny toe shoes, she never asked about his not-uniform.

The fitness track was a mile in length, twisting through the park with fitness stations and equipment located along the route. When Blue and Elle had started running together, Blue was faster by far but couldn’t run the entire track. Elle could run it twice without stopping, but at a pace only slightly above the jolting and jostling of a ‘jog.’ After more than two months of running together whenever they were both available in the mornings or the odd afternoon, Blue could now complete the track without stopping and Elle had cut three minutes off her best time.

Zack had joined them exactly one morning before he swore off the entire enterprise. Exercise before sunrise was an abomination unto nature and all faiths -his exact words. Stretch had shown up one afternoon with a foam finger, then declared he’d had enough of exercise for the year.

They hadn’t gone a tenth of the track before Blue pulled ahead of Elle, cackling cheerfully. Elle fell far behind the skeleton but after the half mile he began to slow and the last quarter mile was neck-and-neck -both sprinting their all. Blue pulled ahead just before the distance marker beside the memorial fountain. He celebrated with a whoop, then pulled back the wrist of one glove to look at his sports watch and grinned at Elle, “Seven minutes! That has to be your best time yet!” He cheered, celebrating her milestone as sincerely as his own victory.

Elle was too short of breath to do more than fist pump her own enthusiasm, then lace her fingers and rest her hands on her head to open her lungs and help her catch her breath. Blue dabbed at his skull with a handkerchief, which he tucked away under his namesake colored neckerchief.

They walked, restarting the same track at a slower pace to use the equipment this time. The first exercise station was balance beams, which both crossed easily forwards and backwards before pausing to push out another set of pushups and situps. They were still quiet, but able to breath much better as they came to the second station -chin-up bars. Elle managed four, Blue twenty-five and he may have stopped just to save time. “Seriously! How much do you even weigh? That has to be cheating.” Elle complained bitterly, and not for the first time.

“Mweh-heh-heh!” Sans cackled. “Just wait until you meet Alphys! She can do chin-ups forever, and she’s no skeleton!”

“I look forward to it.” Elle promised. They’d already scheduled a joint cooking lesson for the next time their days off matched up. Blue giggled again, excited for his friends to finally meet.

Elle had the advantage at the next station, which was just two small concrete pads and a sign instructing visitors on the proper form for deep squats. While Blue was the stronger of the two, his weight wasn’t distributed the same as a human’s and his boots didn’t give his ankles full flexibility. He fell over twice before Elle finished her set.

“I’m sure to do much better next time!” Blue insisted.

“Absolutely.” Elle agreed, brushing some of the dirt from his clothes. He hadn’t improved at all since they’d first started, but optimism reigned on their workouts.

“Pappy says he had to help you guys with your ambulance again?” Blue asked, starting a new conversation thread and they walked -briskly- toward the next station.

Elle nodded. “The radio. It’s an upgraded digital model, but Zack has a hard time using it because he hears static. I didn’t know Papyrus could handle electronics.”

Blue skipped, his chest puffing up. “Yup! Papyrus can build or fix anything -when he’s not being so lazy!” He made fists by his skull in a gesture remarkably like trying to tear his absent hair out. “And he’s not just smart! I have to train ALL the time to be a good enough for the Royal Guard. Pappy could pass without even trying but he never wanted to be more than a plain old sentry!”

“Ugh!” Elle’s head flopped back in empathy. “I know! Zack sits on his butt for months and then he’ll sweep the court when the college kids want to play basketball! It’s not fair!”

“MWEH!” Blue agreed, making Elle giggle. She loved when he made that sound. “At least Zack wants to take college courses! Pappy used to be a scientist! Did you know that?”

Elle missed a step, then hurried to catch up before the track turned and brought them to the uneven pillars for hopping. “A scientist, Papyrus?”

“Yes! I said he was smart! Really smart! I mean, if being a mechanic makes him happy I will support my brother’s career choice!” Blue nodded firmly, banishing any doubts that he would do any less for his brother’s happiness. Elle wondered if she should mention that Papyrus really didn’t look happy at work, especially when they went to his company’s garage…

Blue wasn’t finished with his rant, forcing Elle to shelve her thoughts. “But he could fix bigger and more complicated things! Papyrus could build the coolest, bestest machines ever!” His sockets broadened and the eye lights turned to stars and even began to slowly spin. “Like space shuttles!”

Elle had to laugh at the sheer contagiousness of the joy Blue radiated when he said that. He did that sometimes… just gave off joy like a little happiness space heater. Glancing sidelong at him, Elle amended the thought -he wasn’t _that_ much shorter than her, certainly not ‘little’. “So Papyrus would build these space shuttles and you’d be the astronaut?” She guessed.

“MWEH! Yowzers that would be amazing!” Blue hopped and bounced, then twisted so he could throw his fists out and express his excitement without accidentally punching his training buddy -Elle didn’t study any kind of fighting and would not be as happy to get punched in the face as Alphys. “Yes! Space is so cool!”

They approached the next station -uneven pillars set amid shredded tire rubber for jumping. Blue signaled for Elle to go first, so she hopped onto the first pillar. “Have you thought about training to be an astronaut? Now that monsters are free, maybe you could do it.”

Blue sat down and started doing a few sit ups. He was uncharacteristically somber as he replied, “I couldn’t do that. Her majesty, King Toriel, needs me here.”

The human jumped to the tallest of the posts and paused to look down at Blue, balancing on one foot. “You’re really loyal to her. That’s admirable.”

Instead of giggling or something, Blue just gave Elle a reserved smile as his facial bones dusted with magic.

Oh.

Wow. Elle felt foolish. Blue was in love with the King of monsters. She really should have keyed into that sooner.

That had to be difficult, being in love with your boss and somebody of such high position. Elle focused on jumping to the next few posts. She wondered if the king reciprocated Blue’s feelings. Wouldn’t that be something? A forbidden love between the King of Monsters and her loyal guardsman. The scandal! The romance! The movie deals!

Elle hopped down from the last post. “No falls!” Blue announced happily. He held up a hand and Elle slapped her palm against his glove. The posts were hit-and-miss for her. Blue, on the other hand, was such a natural at this he would sometimes get over excited and skip a post. When that happened he would do the honorable thing and start over to ensure he correctly hopped on all the posts.

As Blue worked his way around the little circle, face puckered with focus, Elle found herself glad of the idea that Blue and Toriel’s relationship might remain star crossed. 

Elle blinked and frowned. Why wouldn’t she want Blue to be happy with the King? As his friend, she should want him to have anything or anyone that would make him happy, especially with how serious his face had been. That wasn't a 'I have a crush' face. He genuinely loved someone and she'd been happy they didn't seem to be together. She was startled and unhappy to think she had such a mean streak in her. Just as quickly as the thought came to her, Elle forcefully shoved it aside and smiled when Blue glanced at her before hopping to another post. She would be a good friend and quash this mean streak!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Katie: Hold the phone. You pick your brother up from the bar without a vehicle and carry him home all the way across town… but a mile in the park is a workout?  
> Blue: I don’t understand the question.


	5. DATING START!

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Papyrus acts on his revelations from Katie.

Taking her usual seat at Muffet’s bar, Katie ran her fingers through her hair and grimaced at the texture. She knew she sometimes got metal filings in her hair that had to be carefully brushed out, but today her hair was just grimy and gross. They’d finished this year’s line of Truitt cars and trucks, so it was time to put the plant through a thorough cleaning before they started on the next year’s line. That meant instead of metal filings and good clean grease, Katie was covered in dust, grime, and distinctly non-magical spider webs. Ew. Katie would never tell Muffet, but webbing gave her the willies.

“Fu-hu-hu-hu!” Muffet chortled, setting a drink in front of Katie.

“Barkeep’s recommendation?” Katie asked, taking the glass and sniffing it. Muffet usually let her order first… and Muffet usually put the shots down first before she mixed up her recommendation for the day. Katie was willing to roll with change, though.

“A gift, actually.” Muffet tittered.

Katie nearly dropped the glass. “What? Muffet, are you feeling okay? Do I need to get Cupcake?” She might not be comfortable with webs, but if Muffet was ill Katie was pretty sure she knew which glittering strand overhead usually called Muffet’s pet and business partner. Muffet only allowed a few to hold a tab -Rabee was not on the list for reasons Katie wasn’t privy to- and Muffet NEVER gave drinks on the house.

“Don’t be silly!” Muffet said, waving a scolding hand at Katie. “It’s from the…” She giggled again, “Uh-hu-hu-hu! The _gentleman_ at the end of the bar.”

“What?” Katie looked, expecting to see a lost human but there was only Papyrus at his usual place with his usual bottle of honey… except this time he made eye contact and toasted her with the bottle. She hadn’t spoken to him since he’d been kind enough to walk her home a month or so back. What was he up to? “What is he up to?”

“Why don’t you ask and find out?” Muffet said.

“Hmm.” Katie hummed noncommittally but grabbed her drink and headed over to talk to the guy.

Papyrus wagged his eyebrows at Katie as she slid onto the stool next to his. Why did a skeleton even have eyebrows? How? “Hey good lookin’, come here often?”

Katie clicked her tongue in amusement. “No. It’s my first time on this side of the bar.” She confessed, then held up the drink. “Okay Bones, what’s the game?”

The skeleton batted his eye… socket lids? There was batting and fluttering going on there, even without lashes. “Papyrus’s the name, outrageous flirting’s the game. Hoping if I play my cards right, I might get date.” His eye lights flitted off to the side and his sockets narrowed uncertainly. “That is, if the lady’s still available?”

“Hmm.” Katie leaned on the bar, considering the offer. After a moment she sipped the drink he’d sent her. Honey water and whiskey. Light and delicious, lacking that characteristic bite. Just in case Papyrus wasn’t fully versed in this aspect of human customs, Katie lowered the glass and gave him a coy smirk. “You have my interest. What did you have in mind?”

Papyrus shrugged, which was more of a head bob with his elbows resting on the bar. “The usual. Ask my date out. Put on nice clothes. Take you someplace very special.” As he spoke, Papyrus pulled a clip-on bow tie from his inventory -an act that looked like a sleight-of-hand trick to humans- and attached it to his shirt collar. Now his faded black undershirt and dusty/greasy coveralls were fancy. Katie couldn’t stop the short but genuine laugh at his antics. She also felt the tell-tale warmth of her face that threatened to turn into a blush. Papyrus was funny. Katie knew he was funny, but this was the first time he’d done something silly just for her. It was a small thing, but it was nice. Who knew small niceties were her mortal weakness?

“Well, you appear to have me at a disadvantage, sir. I didn’t even silver my hair.” Katie patted her hair, which in addition to being grungy had been struggling valiantly for freedom from her work bun all day and would soon attain Independency.

Papyrus huffed and his bones shook briefly before he could suppress his amusement. Feigning disbelief and hurt, he demanded, “Are you really going to turn me down because you have to wash your hair?”

Katie fanned her fingers in front of the world’s most faked gasp. “No! Of course not! I see you as such a good _friend_ and I would never take advantage of our _friendship_ by dropping such a blatant excuse!”

“Wowie! We haven’t even had our first date and I’ve already managed to hit the Friend Zone.” Papyrus marveled, sending Katie into giggles despite setting him up.

Katie settled against the bar, leaning back against it while Papyrus leaned over it. Their opposing positions made it easier to speak to each other. “Okay. I hate to do this to you, but can we be serious for a second?”

Papyrus nodded solemnly. “Yes. I’ll even afford you a full minute of seriousness, but that’s all I’m good for.” He was smiling, but his eyes were relaxed rather than tight with humor.

“What are you thinking here? Buy me a drink, talk me up and…?” She held a hand out for him to finish.

“Like I said.” Papyrus repeated. “Maybe get a date… or we could live on the wild side; two dates.”

Katie smiled and shook her head, looks like this was as serious as Papyrus could manage. “Why me? I mean, you asked if I would consider a monster, but why would a monster consider a human? We’re not…” She grimaced and dropped what she’d been about to say. “Why date a human?”

“Forget humans and monsters. How about; why date a Katie?” Papyrus countered. “Pretty lady who seems to like giving kisses when a little tipsy…”

Katie groaned and covered her face with the hand not holding her honey whiskey. “… one time…” She muttered.

“You can’t count. I’ll remember that.” Papyrus’s eye sockets squinted with amusement while Katie attempted spontaneous combustion. It wasn’t a big deal, she just sometimes gave Cupcake or whoever an entirely platonic kiss for taking her home safe. She may have gotten Lapus a little closer to the mouth than the cheek that one time… That ONE time…

Papyrus huffed in mirth a little before pressing on. “You know cars…” Katie gave him a curious look and he added, “You fixed Rabee’s car when those punks were messing with him.”

Katie waved him off. “They just unplugged the battery. Brats.”

“Point is; I think Katie’s pretty great and I’d like to get to know her… maybe I -too- can be showered with kisses.” Those mysterious eyebrows waggled again. Katie snickered. Papyrus settled on the bar, his jaw resting on one fist. When he continued, Katie was interested to see he didn’t need to move his jaw when he spoke. “I’m not asking for deep commitment or making grand gestures to sweep you off your feet. Honest. When you find someone who makes your heart go all pitter-pat and isn’t sucky, then we’ll part as better friends than we started.”

Katie lifted an eyebrow at him. “Are you suggesting we date… _platonically_?” She asked.

Papyrus nodded. “Sure. I can promise I won’t push you into anything you’re uncomfortable with and when the time comes that you decide to move on I’ll help you settle for second best - _wink_.”

The audible wink was too much. Katie busted up and would have dropped her glass if Papyrus hadn’t caught the glass for her. A few of the other patrons who’d been pretending not to be watching them stared openly before remembering themselves and hurrying to act casual. It took a lot longer than usual for Katie to collect herself, but there wasn’t a scrap of derisiveness or cruelty in her laughter and she even reached over and patted Papyrus’s arm as if to make sure he knew her laughter was intended with not at. Finally, her helpless giggles settled. Katie spun on the barstool so she, too, was facing the bar though she continued to look at Papyrus, eyes squinting with mirth that still wanted to boil forth. “Alright.” She wheezed. “Mr. Skeleton, you drive a hard bargain.” She took her glass and finished it off before continuing. “I would be happy to date you, _platonically_ , until such time as one of us finds our one true love and jilts the other, as per agreed upon terms.”

“I’ll shake to that.” Papyrus offered Katie the hand he’d previously been resting on. His hand, all bones and no flesh, still encased Katie’s as they shook. “How about I take you someplace really special. A place I like to spend a lot of time.”

“Okay?”

Papyrus glanced over at Muffet with a smirk and mischief lighting his sockets. “Put it on my tab, Muff.” He said.

All five of Muffet’s eyes went wide. “Papyrus you should warn-”

Before she could finish, Papyrus gave a little tug. Katie squeaked as she was pulled from the barstool to stand. The movement was too fast and unexpected, causing her to stumble into Papyrus, his silly clip-on tie bumping against her face and knocking crooked.

Katie wasn’t mad, though. She stepped back and rubbed her face to dispel the funny texture of the tie, but her smile slipped as she realized the light had changed. The human looked around in surprise, then shock. “What…” The bar and patrons were gone, instead Katie and Papyrus stood on the front porch of a beautifully maintained little house, complete with a little white picket fence. “Where?”

Papyrus’s grin was somewhere between cream stealing Temmies and coprophasia. “My house!”

Katie’s head was still swiveling around, her eyes getting wider and wider as she tried desperately to form an intelligible question. Papyrus waited, just grinning and watching her gape with relaxed eye sockets until she finally managed to form a coherent thought and voice it.

Pointing at the lawn, then the house, then to Papyrus himself, Katie asked, “ _You_ live _here_?”

“Yep.” Papyrus confirmed.

She looked around again, stepping back so she wouldn’t hurt her neck looking up at him. “But… there’s a literal primrose path. Paved in white sand… and it looks recently raked.”

“I live with my bro. You’ve seen Blue?”

Katie thought about the times Blue had come to retrieve his brother from Muffets’. Her face and posture relaxed as she nodded and let all the confusion go, as if living with Blue somehow explained Papyrus teleporting them halfway across Ebott as easily as a storybook house. Though, considering what Muffet had once told her about the skeleton brothers and distance it kind of did explain things so long as she didn’t need details.

“Okay…” Katie nodded. “Scenic your house.”

“Yep.” Papyrus repeated, turning the handle for the front door and pushing it open. “Feel free to leave your shoes on. Scolding’s my bro’s favorite form of exercise.” Katie obligingly unlaced her work boots and pulled them off, settling them on the shoe rack between some bright blue rain boots and a broken-down pair of orange crocs. Despite his words to the contrary, Papyrus also removed his work boots, though he only kicked them in the general direction of the shoe rack. He led the way into the house and gave a quick tour, pointing out landmarks. “Stairs, kitchen, my room, my bro’s room, and the bathroom. Make yourself at home. Couch is surprisingly comfy despite the lumps.”

“Hmmm, I expect optimal lump to squish ratios.” Katie teased.

“Oh, guaranteed.” Papyrus grinned. “I’ll grab some grub and then,” Those eyebrows wagging again, “We can do whatever people do when they date.”

Katie snorted in amusement but glanced away to hide a moment’s discomfort. She tried to tell herself it was just first date jitters… but things usually didn’t go well when guys decided their house was a good place for a first date. Their territory, too comfortable, wanting too much.

 _Papyrus is a gentleman._ Katie reminded herself sternly. For reasons she couldn’t fully remember the thought was followed by; _he doesn’t hide cards in his ears._

That felt like an alcohol-soaked memory.

She brushed those concerns aside and tried the couch while Papyrus stepped into the kitchen. Turns out the lump to squish ratio on the couch really was optimal, though the jingling was a concern. Just how much loose change fell between these cushions?

**_ BAM!! _ **

“PAPPY!” Blue announced as he ran into the house. “HER MAJESTY HAS ASKED ME TO PROTECT HER AND THE HUMAN AMBASSADOR AT A ‘SCHOOL RECITAL’! I WILL BE HOME LATE!” The familiar skeleton dashed past the couch and up the stairs in a blue blur. He disappeared behind the door decorated with warning signs that had earlier been designated as ‘my bro’s room’ and there came a shocking cacophony of crashes and bangs before than same blur reappeared, dashed down the stairs, and skidded to a stop in front of the couch, staring at Katie. “OH STARS! I’m being rude! My name is Blue, I am Pappy’s brother and it is a pleasure to meet his new friend. Human, please forgive him for being lazy and he really is a good guy when you look past the smell and the grease.” The skeleton grabbed Katie’s hand before she could fully stand to meet the introduction, and his eager shake knocked her back onto the couch. “Please have a very nice evening and if my brother is rude tell me and I will make him apologize. I must go now but it is a delight and a pleasure to meet you. BYE PAPPY! TAKE CARE OF YOUR FRIEND AND SEE THEM SAFELY HOME!” And then the blur fled out the front door, slamming it behind him.

A moment later the door opened again, more sedately. “Sorry. That was rude.” The door was closed again more politely.

Papyrus came out of the kitchen carrying a tray. “Special guest cameo appearance provided by my bro.” He said. There wasn’t a coffee table, so the tray of condiments and corndogs was set on the couch while Papyrus dragged a side table with a book on top over. Katie barely had time to note the title of the book -Engineering Diversions and Doorkeys- before Papyrus flipped the table.

Katie hadn’t jumped when Blue kicked the door in and sprinted through the house, none of the regulars at Muffet’s would have. But she did when the top of the side table, weighted with the thick textbook, rotated and dropped. With hardly a click the narrow side table turned into a long coffee table.

Papyrus shifted the tray to the new coffee table. “Bone-appetite! Specially made by yours truly… the ‘dogs anyway. ‘M no good at condiments and certainly can’t make honey -pity that.”

Katie gave Papyrus a strange look before reaching for one of the corn dogs. She looked it over carefully. She tried to be polite about sniffing the food before she took a bite. Her eyes bugged and she pressed a couple fingers to her lips to keep from opening her mouth in shock at the flavor and texture. It definitely not a typical, store bought corn dog. It probably didn’t have anything resembling either corn nor a regular hotdog. But, after a moment of careful chewing Katie concluded that it wasn’t _bad_. The taste was very strange, but it was good. A little sweet, but good. Even before she’d swallowed, Katie was nodding to show her approval of the food.

“It’s good.” She declared as soon as it was polite. “It’s really good.”

Papyrus made as if to tuck his hands into a pocket on his front, but there was none there in his tee shirt and folded down coveralls. Dropping his hands, he shrugged shyly and sat on the couch opposite Katie. “A little something from the Underground. I also make a mean instant oatmeal.” He coughed some to dispel his self-consciousness and reached into the cushions to retrieve the remote. “So… Netflix and platonic?”

“On a first date?” Katie batted her eyes and tried to look demure. “What kind of girl do you think I am?”

Papyrus huffed in amusement as they settled in for the evening.


	6. Three Brothers and a Sister

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Going for a walk, accidentally exposing ourselves.

“Higher! Show me the fire of your passion and friendship!”

“MWEH-HEH-HEH!”

“All RIGHT!”

“Oh God. Why is that still turning?!” No sooner had Zack voiced his fears than smoke started hissing out from behind the tile backsplash. The glue holding the tiles to the wall had reached its combustion point. Elle and the two monsters’ earlier excitement was instantly smothered by the resurgence of their good sense.

“Whoopsie.” Blue worried.

“GUARD!” his boss ordered. Both monsters threw up shields to protect the humans an instant before the tile exploded. Tile shards, chips of grout, and powder from both struck the shields and -being free of any intent- fell harmlessly away. Elle couldn’t make out what Blue’s shield was from this side. Alphys, the yellow dinosaur type monster and old friend of Blue, had summoned a giant yellow axe head.

The shields were lowered to show the wall on fire behind the flaming, half melted pot of taco meat. “Oh, uh…” Alphys looked uncomfortable, her confidence wavering for the first time that evening. She grimaced, then tried to smile despite the nasty scar that split the upper lip of her snout and trailed up toward the eye patch she wore. “So… uh… take-out and b-board games?”

Zack stepped forward with the fire extinguisher, aimed, and sprayed. White powder spread over the wall and pot, but the spray quickly puttered out. “What?” Zack checked the pressure gauge and found the needle had gone well past low-pressure red.

“Guess we forgot to b-buy a new one this week.” Alphys shrugged apologetically.

“Well, fire extinguishers aren’t exactly right next to the groceries.” Zack tossed the spent cylinder aside, wondering what life choices led him to saying that without sarcasm.

Blue’s eye lights paled as he watched the paint warping, discoloring, and smoking as the fire within the walls began spreading. “Oh geeze, Alphys, we should go. Humans don’t do well with fire… or with toxic chemical smoke!” He turned, easily lifting Elle and carrying her as they fled the house. Alphys threw Zack over her shoulder and followed Blue. They raced from the house, past a quietly concerned Dummy, and across the street. When Alphys set Zack on his feet he was already on the phone with Emergency Dispatch, requesting a fire truck.

The firefighters’ response time was excellent. The nearest station was about two miles away but the firefighters were on-scene in three and a half minutes. Blue, Alphys, and Elle watched their practiced efficiency with admiration. Zack sighed resignedly and flopped on the grass. He promised Dispatch that they’d get together and catch up sometime, then disconnected.

A smaller Fire Engine Red vehicle -an SUV with the official fire department emblems and such on the sides, pulled up next to the first truck. A man in a white and black uniform stepped out and looked around. His attention was drawn to their little group and his eyes narrowed when he recognized Alphys. She grinned and waved.

“Blue, please, put Elle down before they think she needs an ambulance.” Zack begged.

“Oh! We could meet more paramedics!” Blue gasped, entirely unbothered by Elle’s weight in his arms.

“Elle, this is Department Two’s area.” Zack reminded his friend.

“F-fu… Shoot!” Elle nearly cursed but corrected herself abruptly. “Thank you, Blue. Down please!”

“Oh, of course human!” Blue agreed, setting her on her feet.

“What’s so important about Department Two or whatever?” Alphys asked.

“My ex. I will never, never date another medic.” Elle said grimacing. Alphys barked a laugh at her expense, clapping Elle on the shoulder and sending her reeling, but Blue was quick to catch her before she fell into the street or otherwise hurt herself.

Once she’d regained her balance, Elle looked back across the street where flames were now crawling over the roof of the house. “Is your wife going to be mad that we burned your house down?”

Alphys waved off her concerns. “Nah, she blew it up last month doing science in the basement.”

“Blew it up?” Elle balked, “This bad?”

“Sure. It was on the news.” The dinosaur monster boasted.

Zack was impressed, he remembered that story. “That was you guys?”

“Yep!” Alphys puffed up her already impressive chest, the muscles bulging behind a tired black tee. Zack could only whistle.

The man in white and black finished talking with the fire fighters in suits and started approaching Alphys with a hard set to his shoulders indicating he was ready for a fight. “Well, looks like I gotta talk to Chief Attison now. Blue, would you mind taking the humans home?”

“It would be my pleasure, Alphys!” Blue said, hopping over to offer Zack a hand up.

Elle grabbed Alphys’s hand, clasping it warmly rather than shaking. “It was great to finally meet you! We’ll get together again sometime.”

“HA! Definitely. See ya ‘round, losers!” Alphys agreed.

“See you.” Zack agreed.

“I will see you at work!” Blue added cheerfully. Alphys just waved them off again before turning with a grin to the fire chief. The chief looked resigned to failure as he again launched into his lecture on why setting one’s house on fire was something to avoid -not master.

The other three hit the sidewalk, heading for Zack and Elle’s apartment building. “That was fun!” Elle said. “Thanks for introducing us.”

“Mweh! Yes, human, it was very fun! You’re most welcome!” Blue agreed. He had so much energy that he seemed to bounce with every step, each step bringing him up to eye level with Elle. “Alphys is amazing! I am very lucky to have her both as my boss, and my friend.”

“We’ll have to get together again sometime.” Zack was kind of hoping to get to know Alphys when there wasn’t so much fire and pending mortal danger involved.

“OH!” Blue stopped bouncing along beside them and darted forward, spinning so that he was facing them and skipping in his excitement. “You both must come to our next game night! Then you can meet Dr. Undyne, and the human Chara! Pappy can bring his new human friend, too! The more the merrier! MWE-HEH!” He spun to burn off some tiny fragment of his endless energy, not breaking the pace as his did so.

“That sounds fantastic!” Elle agreed readily.

Zack was busy gaping at Blue’s feet. The skeleton had resumed skipping in front of them and moving backwards… he was skipping normally which should have been taking him forward toward Zack and Elle but he continued to keep pace in front of them. Zack could have sworn he saw Blue’s boots slide over the concrete when he spun.

Elle wasn’t perturbed by Zack’s distracted silence. “We’ll both be there next time our schedule allows. Should we bring anything?”

“Yes! Bring your favorite snacks and drinks so everyone can share! That’s such a wonderful way for people to get to know each other and become better friends, don’t you think?” Elle nodded, smiling brightly. “Me too! Pappy can’t get enough of sweet things and honey, but he’ll blush if you call him ‘sweet’.” Blue and Elle both giggled. “Oh! And if you have a favorite game! We have plenty, but it’s another great way to get to know someone even if we don’t play that game on that night! If her highness, King Toriel, is free to come to game night -and that’s always really great! But it’s okay that she can’t always because being King is a very demanding job! Toriel always brings ‘Balderdash’ because she’s very intelligent and likes wordplay. Chara always brings…”

Zack allowed himself to drift back a pace. He enjoyed spending time with Blue, the guy was great, but point of fact was he and the monster hadn’t hit it off as well as Elle and Blue had. Zack mostly tagged along on cooking lessons for disaster control. Thankfully, Blue was more careful with inspecting the kitchen fire extinguishers. At least hanging with Alphys had given Zack a little more insight into why Blue ‘cooked’ that way. Alphys in the kitchen… she was worse than Blue. Blue idolized Alphys, his eye lights turning into stars when she praised him. Elle… Zack loved her as his sister but she’d always been weird when it came to food. And now she looked at Blue much the same way Blue looked at Alphys. If human eyes could do that shape shifting thing, they’d definitely be stars.

“…golden flowers went everywhere! When they stopped falling, Pappy had one sticking right in his eye socket! That’s so … _ihct_!” Blue shuddered and scratched at the side of his eye socket in sympathy. Elle mirrored the gesture. “Even though that feels _really_ disgusting Papyrus just acts like it’s nothing and says,” He dropped his voice, even though Papyrus spoke at a higher pitch than Blue, “… ‘Flower the decorations coming?’” Blue clapped his gloved hands together before bubbling up with a fresh batch of giggles. Zack snickered, then grimaced and looked to Elle. Eyes were her weakness. A patient with a fallen eyelash? Zack’s job. Three Stooges start poking eyes? Elle left the room. Zack had already wondered if it hurt for someone to put a finger in one of the skeleton brothers’ eye sockets and Elle had thrown a CAT tourniquet at him before bodily writhing and squirming in disgust.

Blue tells a joke about flowers falling into his brother’s eye socket?

Elle laughs like it’s the funniest thing she’d ever heard.

And then she does that little finger-comb thing through the hair over her ear.

She’s agreeing to everything Blue says, laughing at jokes that aren’t funny, and touching her hair. Zack’s known her too long and too well not to know exactly what this means. Still, the pieces fall into place quickly enough to surprise him and break his concentration on the simple task of walking down the sidewalk.

“AUGH!” Zack yelped as he tripped over his own feet and launched into the street, crashing into the concrete and asphalt.

“ZACK!” “MWEH! HUMAN!” Almost immediately, Elle and Blue leap to his side, helping him upright and pulling him out of the road and onto the grass in front of a small store, Elle already had a clean bandanna pulled from her pocket which she began dabbing at the scrapes on Zack’s face and arms. “Are you all right? What happened?” She demanded, flicking debris and pebbles away.

Zack scowled at her. Irritable, he snapped, “Woman!”

Elle blinked in surprise, then scowled right back at him. “What did I do?” Zack could only snort and snatch the bandanna from her to try and pressed it against a particularly tender scrape on his arm.

“What?” Blue looked between the two of them, confused by the exchange.

Elle leaned back and waved her hands at Zack. “He says that when I’m being girly! I wasn’t doing anything!” She snatched the bandanna back from him. “Stop that, you’ll trap the contaminants.”

“Fine.” Zack grouched.

Blue looked helplessly between them, then focused on Zack. “Human, my brother could heal you.” He offered. “Do you want me to call him?”

“I’m fine.”

“But… you’re bleeding.” Blue said, clearly very disturbed by this fact.

“I’ll be fine.”

“If you go to work with your face covered in scabs, Margaret’s going to make you inventory the supply closet.” Elle warned.

Zack’s face went tight with fear, then collapsed into surrender. “…fine.” Elle smiled, glad he’d relented so quickly. Blue whipped out his phone and hit two buttons to speed-dial his brother. Zack grumbled and muttered almost under his breath. “Agrees right away with anything he says.”

Elle tilted her head, not understanding the source of his remark. “Zack, I want you healed and if it means asking a favor of a friend I’ll do that.”

Zack smirked at her. More softly he accused, “Woman…” Elle wrinkled her nose and flicked the bandanna in his face.

Papyrus must have picked up because Blue started talking. “Pappy! Are you busy?... Papyrus _no_ … brother, that was worse than horrible!” Despite his words, Blue was smiling broadly and his eye lights were a bright, joyful blue. “Papyrus, the human Zack has been injured… what? No! He is not burned… no! He’s not sick! I said he was injured, why would the human be ill?... The human tripped and fell. He is bleeding and would very much like to stop... Okay, yes, _I_ would like it very much if he stopped bleeding. He would like it very much if he did not have to do boring inventory because his face is injured… I don’t know… Yes. Thank you, Brother.” Blue disconnected the phone. “Papyrus will be here soon.” He announced.

Elle and Zack both frowned. “But…”

“You didn’t tell him where we were.” They argued.

“Eh, not hard to figure out.” Papyrus replied, stepping out from behind a nearby hedge bush. Elle yipped in surprise and jumped backwards. Blue darted forward and caught her before she landed in the street, easily pulling her back onto the sidewalk.

Papyrus offered her a lazy smirk, his cigarette bobbing near his teeth, before crouching to get a better look at Zack. He whistled. The lip and tongue-less whistle only added to the humans’ confusion. “You really did a number on yourself.”

“I guess.” Zack agreed.

Papyrus offered a hand, holding it just over Zack’s chest. “Don’t worry, I’ll have you sorted in a jiff. Think happy thoughts now.” A soft green glow suffused Papyrus’s skeletal hand.

“Does that help?” Zack asked.

“Not really, but happy thoughts are nice.” Papyrus said, and just that quickly the green glow faded. He took the nasty bandanna from Zack and smeared it through the mess on Zack’s face to show the skin was now intact beneath. “There ya go, right as rain.” He returned the bandanna and patted his hand on his track pants, then stood, only to find his cigarette had gone missing somewhere on the trip upwards. Papyrus looked down in time to see Elle tossing the cigarette on the ground and Blue snuffing it with his boot. That’s the thanks he got for healing a human.

“Pappy, these aren’t healthy!” Blue scolded.

“For you or anyone around you.” Elle added.

“You have no one but yourself to blame.” Zack said, smirking up at him and staying seated on the grass just be difficult. Papyrus gave him a quizzical look. “YOU decided to introduce them. Now we both suffer the consequences.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A little bit longer before I can stop alternating between the ladies and start hitting that sweet, sweet first plot arc.


	7. Game Night

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Be warned; mild blood and injury warning ahead.
> 
> Also, Katie and Papyrus are sloppy romantic lovers.

“I’m telling you; they lied to dispatch and it’s going to be a big one.” Zack steered the G-05T ambulance through the residential area.

“Shut your mouth, don’t jinx it.” Elle snapped.

“We’re close to the end of our shift, you made plans-”

“ _We_ have plans.” Elle corrected. “You’re coming too, right?” She didn’t seem certain. Zack had been backing out of a lot of plans with Blue lately.

“Right, right.” Zack nodded, squinting to check housing addresses. “ _We_ have plans, plans we can’t redo for several more weeks, so this is going to be a major call. We’ll be stuck for an hour, easy.”

“I said don’t jinx it. It’s just a mild scalding burn; loose bandages and a quick jog to the ER. We’ll have plenty of time to change and go.” Elle insisted, getting grouchy.

“Two patients, a family member who collapses, and their neighbor is their lawyer. BAM! We’ll be tied up for hours.” Zack crowed.

Elle dropped her face into her hands and groaned. “Ugh, why are you like this?”

“4178 Peach Tree, on your left.” Zack chirped innocently, pulling up to the curb.

Elle immediately collected herself, tossing back her seat belt and hopping down from the truck. She grabbed her trauma kit and hurried to the front door of the house. It was a nice neighborhood and the address -4178- was displayed in brass. Just the sort of place where someone would call an ambulance for a mild scald. Easy peasy and nobody had to be late to Game Night.

She tapped the button for the doorbell, then pulled the screen open and knocked briskly on the white wooden door while calling, “EMS, I’m here to help.” Then stepped back, allowing the screen door to close.

Someone must have been waiting, because the deadbolt slid back almost immediately and soon a man in t-shirt and jeans opened the door. He was older than Elle but the look of almost childish panic was nearly universal. “Come inside, hurry!” He stood back, holding the doors open for Elle.

“We received a call, are you the homeowner or the caller, sir?”

“Yes, both.” The man said. “Please, he’s in the kitchen, hurry.”

Elle followed his lead through a nice, lived-in home. Despite the report of a scalding, the house was rapidly filling with smoke and the air was so warm Elle started to wonder if she wasn’t dealing with some altered-mental-status and a house fire. The thought didn’t worry her as much as it would have a few months ago, she’d have to thank Alphys.

The kitchen was large, mostly tidy with an empty pot set meekly on the counter. Next to the stove, looking miserable, was a Pyrope monster.

Elle hesitated.

She could immediately see what had happened. Some water on to boil had been spilled, dousing part of the monster’s flaming coils and causing one of those strange not-burns fire types could get. It wasn’t unusual for these injuries to smoke heavily. The EMS journal she and Zack subscribed to published some articles on monster injuries, but aside from a little advice here and there; there wasn’t much Elle could do for an injured monster. They were mostly magic -energy based life. Monsters just didn’t get hurt or heal in the same way as humans.

“Okay…” Elle stalled thinking on her feet. Pyropes were supposed to be a bright, flickering fire… right? Anyway; Fire + air = good. Fire – air = bad. “Let’s get out of the kitchen before those flames smother.” She suggested. The Pyrope hummed and shivered a little, then shuffled out of the kitchen. They ended up leaving the house for the front porch so the Pyrope could get enough air. His remaining flames brightened but nearly a quarter of his ropes had been doused and some spots looked like they were still wet. Elle didn’t know if she should dry them off or if that might hurt him worse.

“Sir, we’re going to have to call someone.” Elle finally decided, throwing in the towel.

The man who had been hovering near the monster frowned. “Call someone?”

“Yes, sir. We can’t treat monsters so I’ll have to call-”

“The hell?” The man stood straight. He was a good five inches taller than Elle, six or seven taller than the monster, and he was not skinny. “I called _you!_ Davis is hurt!”

“Yes sir.” Elle told the man, then turned to ‘Davis’. “I’m sorry, that does look painful, we’ll get a healer here as soon as possible.

“I’m hot on that idea.” A hint of a smile pushed through the flames and smoke of a head that looked like it was made of coal. Elle returned the smile.

“No!” The man growled. “We called you! You’re supposed to help people. Help him!”

“Sir, I can’t help him. Monsters and humans have different medical needs and I am not equipped-”

Pain exploded in her face, then lanced across the back of her skull. She wasn’t a delicate little flower, but by the time she was able to fire up two braincells again, Elle was on her hands and knees with no memory of having fallen. Her head hurt, her face throbbed, her ears rang at a pitch that did nothing to help her rapidly growing headache. Distantly she heard something that sounded like it was coming from a destroyed record on a bad player.

Hissing, Elle touched her face. She found wet and pulled her hand away from her face to inspect it.

Her hand was dull grey with something shiny almost-black smeared on two fingertips. _That can’t be good_. She managed to think, then had to slap her hand to the porch again when everything seemed to lurch. _Very not good…_

Still on hands and knees, Elle stumbled until her side pressed against a pillar and she could support herself on the wood. Using the pillar as her support, she shifted to a seated position. When she tried to press her head to the pillar to stop the throbbing and spinning, a fresh, sharp pain lanced through her, causing her to hiss and clutch her head with her hands. Someone grabbed her under one arm and dragged her up, ignoring her whimpers as they dragged her off the porch and across a lawn.

Zack mostly lifted Elle into the back of the G-05T and hopped in after her, closing and locking the doors behind them, then making sure the front doors were locked before grabbing the radio and calling the situation in to dispatch. When he climbed back into the cab, Elle was still clutching her head but she was also squinting up at him, trying to see. “Hey, how do you feel?” Zack asked.

Elle’s eyes flickered down to his mouth, then she slowly shook her head.

“Can you hear me?” Zack asked, tapping his mouth and ears.

Elle watched the movement, then inhaled shakily and said, “No.”

“Well, breathing and circulation check out, at least. Zack muttered. Elle glared at him for talking when she couldn’t hear. He held up his hands to show her he intended to touch, then stood and started feeling her head, looking for soft spots and damage. Elle hissed as he found a line on the back of her head that was bright red with spots of blood, but no soft spots. He pulled back and held her face while carefully feeling the bones around her eyes. Elle only flinched when he tested her nose. “Small break, but it might be the cartilage.” Zack murmured again, then reached for the gauze and held it to Elle’s nose. She didn’t need to be instructed to lean forward and pinch, trying to stop the nosebleed.

Unprofessionally, Zack kept his hands on her shoulders, caging her a little and glaring at the windows, silently daring someone else to try and hurt her.

It was a few minutes before someone tapped the back door of the ambulance. Zack stood to go to the front, but the faulty _everything_ on the truck acted up again and the door swung open and inch or two as if Zack hadn’t been very specific about locking the thing.

Whoever had knocked took it as an invitation and opened the door further. It was just Paul from their same EMS Department. He was grinning but still clearly worried as he teasingly announced, “EMS, I’m here to help. Did somebody call for a paramedic?”

Zack didn’t move away from Elle, even though she was now trying to push him off. “Are the police here?” He asked.

Paul nodded, “Yeah, four big guys and Sawyer are talking to him.” Sawyer was his usual partner.

Reluctantly, Zack sat back and allowed Paul to look Elle over. He did basically everything Zack had done, except Elle responded to his questions, going over what had happened and explaining her symptoms. Zack was NOT pleased to learn she’d been seeing in grey-scale for a few minutes. Zack filled in what had happened when he saw Elle get punched in the face. He’d run over, yelling at the man to get away from her, then dragged Elle off the scene immediately. Elle frowned and muttered that it felt like a lot longer than that.

Paul scribbled notes on the back of his glove and re-checked her vitals. “The police are going to want to talk to you, but I think we can sneak you off to the hospital before then.” He said. Turning, he twisted the handle on the back door. It didn’t give.

Elle groaned and cradled her head again. “I’m sorry, but switching trucks does not sound like fun. I don’t want any more up-down than I have to.” She whined.

“I have to stick with you. I’m you’re medic, after all.” He grinned, his worry having eased after examining Elle for himself. He tried the handle again, still stuck. Odd, he couldn’t remember anyone shutting the doors behind him.

“Can you ride with us? Leave your truck to Sawyer?” Zack suggested. “They like blasting their music anyway.”

“Hm.” Paul considered it, then nodded. “Sure. Patient comfort, right?”

Elle smiled, relieved. “Thanks.”

“No proble-EEH!” The door sprung open and Paul scrambled, grabbing the handle of a medical supply cabinet to keep from falling out. Once he’d caught his balance, Paul eyed the doors before stepping out to go find his partner.

Elle settled into an A-frame -elbows on knees and face in hands, as she waited for Paul’s return. “Zack?” She asked.

“Right here.” Zack assured her.

“You fucking jinxed me.” She snapped.

~

“ _Your destination is on the left._ ”

“I see it.” Katie grumbled at her GPS, stabbing a finger at the little ‘x’ to shut it up.

She parked in front of the skeleton brothers’ house behind a pink car and had to whistle in appreciation. It was a late model BMW Isetta; bubblegum pink with a rear window decal of some anime character staring back at Katie while she parallel parked. As the owner of a burgundy Última Edición, Katie approved the customization and looked forward to meeting the owner.

She grabbed her things and locked the car. The neighborhood was nice, but the odd storybook quality of the house still made Katie wonder that her barfly buddy lived here, of all places. When she stepped onto the front porch, laughter and music came through the closed door. Katie smiled as she paused to listen. It sounded like fun in there.

The doorbell was loud. Katie spent the day around heavy manufacturing equipment and the volume of that bell still astounded her. Almost immediately the door was thrown open and Blue welcomed Katie in as the continued laughter and noise washed over her. “Papyrus’s friend! Welcome! Come in! Come in!” He stepped aside so she could do as instructed, then glanced behind Katie, momentarily looking for someone else before turning closing the door. “Please, remove your shoes. Yes, thank you. EVERYONE! THIS IS PAPYRUS’S HUMAN FRIEND!”

A crowd of monsters, most of them very tall, cheerfully greeted her. Katie was startled to realize she recognized about half of them from the news. Blue waved her over to the kitchen and pointed inside. “That’s Quee- I mean, that’s Asgore making tea, and _that_ human is Chara!” Both familiar faces Katie hadn’t met before.

“Papyrus’s lady friend?” Asgore asked, his tone indicated he may have heard from the source.

“I suppose.” Katie replied cheerfully.

“Wonderful to meet you. And what have we here?” He nodded to the bowl she was holding.

Katie handed him her container of chocolate covered pretzels. “Papyrus said to being my favorite."

“Excellent! We can never have enough chocolate, not with _someone_ around.” He gave the human child sitting on the counter a look. The child was surrounded by trays of food and snacks, and the corners of their mouth were smudged with chocolate. They smiled shamelessly and waved. Katie waved back. “How do you like your tea?” Asgore asked.

“Plain is fine.”

The giant goat monster winked. “The blatantly correct choice.”

Blue then ushered Katie from the kitchen back to the living room where Papyrus was engrossed in a videogame, clicking buttons madly and trying to defeat… Napstatton. Wow. That robot was all the rage in pop and techno music right now. “I don’t think I have to introduce those two.” Blue chuckled.

“I don’t think they’d notice.” Katie replied. Both monsters were completely absorbed in the game, leaning forward until they were hardly on the couch at all and Papyrus appeared to have a tongue clenched between his teeth -that was new.

Beside Napstatton hovered a fish monster with a flower stylishly decorating her fins. “Hoi!” The flower called, waving their petals.

“That’s Shyren, she sings back-up for Napstatton and sometimes they’re datemates. And that’s a Flowey… don’t worry, he’s not evil.” Katie gave Sans a bewildered look.

Two reptile monsters were sitting on the easy chair beside the couch, a tall but slender blue, spectacled fish monster nestled in the lap of a much shorter and broad built yellow dinosaur monster. The blue monster flushed green and jumped out of the other’s lap when she saw the new face approaching. The yellow monster grumbled but stood to greet Katie.

“Alphys, this is Papyrus’s friend!” By now Katie was wondering if Blue knew her name, or even realized if he didn’t. “Human, this is Captain Alphys of the Royal Guard, my boss.”

A frequent, silent face in the background of news clips, the scarred yellow monster grabbed Katie’s other hand and gave it one good, solid shake. “Ab-bout time Papyrus makes some friends!” She all but roared, the short stutter not at all hindering her boisterous volume.

“He took Muffet’s advice and is paying me well.” Katie quipped. Alphys laughter was almost a physical force. She jovially slapped Katie on the back and may have bruised the human’s spleen in the process.

Blue gestured to the shy monster. “This is Undyne; Royal Scientist and one of Papyrus’s oldest and bestest friends!”

Katie’s eyes bugged unflatteringly at the tall, blue fish monster with gorgeous red hair. The monster murmured something, but it didn’t get past her jagged teeth.

“Louder love-bite!” Alphys coaxed.

The royal scientist blushed darker green and braced herself before saying in a nearly normal voice, “Nice to meet you. Papyrus mentioned you were…” The rest of the sentence was missed as her voice lost strength and fell below the general bustle of noise. Her hand shook a little as she offered it.

“That’s my girl!” Alphys cheered, her one eye scrunching up in affection.

Katie carefully accepted the offered hand -it was slender and the scales cool to the touch, unlike Alphys who was broad and warm. The human’s mouth worked even more silently than Undyne’s, which didn’t help dispel the awkwardness until she finally took a breath and belted out. “OH! OH! _You’re_ the Royal Scientist? YOU! I’m following your journal series on the tensile strength of metal alloys infused with magic! It… Oh my gosh! You’re Undyne!”

Undyne blinked and straightened up, adding another couple of inches to her height. Fins or ears that had been nervously pinned to her hair a moment ago perked up a little. “… read my articles… journals?” She asked.

“Yes! I read all your publications I can find! It’s an honor to meet you!” Most of the monsters in the house were famous to some degree or another, but this was the one monster Katie had never even hoped to meet and most admired. “Your writing is brilliant! And fun!”

Undyne’s smile shifted from painfully shy to humbly pleased. “Thank you.”

A skeletal arm followed by a bright orange sleeve snaked behind Undyne, then yanked her into an awkward hug. Undyne yelped until she recognized the skeleton hugging her. “Nyeh!” Papyrus cackled. “See? I told you Dynie was cool.”

Katie laughed herself as she finally made the connection to Papyrus’s friend ‘Dyne’ or ‘Dynie’ that he often mentioned. “You didn’t tell me she was the _Royal Scientist_.” She scolded, casting a curious glance at the couch to see Napstatton now gaming against Chara.

Undyne tried to pry Papyrus’s arm from her shoulders and only succeeded in getting it up around her neck. “h-Ack!”

“Dynie and I go way back. Used to watch scavenged anime together in the Underground, til she threw me over for her crush on Cappy here.” Papyrus explained.

Katie’s eyes lit up yet again. “Anime? Is that Isetta yours?”

Undyne managed a nod.

“That’s wonderful! I love that model!”

Undyne went from trying to push Papyrus away to trying to hid behind his arm. “Fu-hu-hu…” She giggled compulsively, blushing darker than before. The fins on either side of her head were erect, though.

The doorbell rang again but between the videogame’s volume and the chatter, it seemed less loud. “Mweh!” Blue had wandered over to watch the video game and now hurried to throw open the front door. “Your majesty! You made it!”

Chara jumped up from the couch, smiling broadly. “Toriel!” They cheered, hurrying to the front door to give the king of monsters a hug.

“Hello my child.” Toriel greeted the child with genuine affection, patting their mop of hair. She also smiled warmly at Blue. “Hello, Blue. Thank you for inviting me.”

“Our door is always open for you, your majesty.” Blue replied sincerely. For a moment, the two just stood there, smiling.

Katie looked to Papyrus, Undyne, and Alphys eyebrows raising in question. Papyrus rolled his eye lights, but the three of them nodded. It was way too obvious.

“King Toriel!” Napstatton abandoned the game he’d somehow lost despite Chara dropping their remote. “A pleasure, as always!” Blue and Toriel went from mutual expressions of soft fondness, to a moment of pain they both covered up with polite smiles.

Papyrus grabbed Katie’s hand and led her into the kitchen. “Hey, old man! Lookie here!” He called to Asgore.

Asgore saw the two and his eyes glittered with mischief. “Ah, human. We meet again.” Katie waved as if Chara were still there.

“Her name’s Katie.” Papyrus said, knowing his brother well enough to fill in the blank.

“A pleasure to meet you, Katie.” Asgore handed her a mug of sweet-smelling tea, free of any sweeteners. Katie accepted the tea and asked about it. Asgore was delighted to chat about tea and flowers until he realized Katie wasn’t contributing to the conversation -she had little experience with either- and shooed her and Papyrus off to socialize with the ‘young people’.

Blue was breaking out the boardgames and soon everyone was either in the kitchen grabbing vittles to eat or competing with each other. Mouse Trap, Balderdash, Chutes and Ladders -Papyrus was unapologetic, Ticket to Ride, Uno, Shark Attack, Shogi; it seemed there was wasn’t a game in existence Alphys couldn’t get excited enough to flip the table over. Shyren and Napstatton played ‘karaoke’ -if karaoke meant being the only two people who sang and singing their own songs. A round of Truth or Dare ended with Flowey playing happily in Katie’s curls and two very uncomfortable goat monsters holding hands for an hour.

Chara and Blue were in a tight contest of Don’t Break the Ice with a small crowd holding their collective breath when Blue flinched, tapping the frame and knocking all the ‘ice’ free. Chara whooped their victory as Blue reached into his pocket and pulled out his phone. He smiled at the caller ID, but his eye lights dimmed as he read the message before hurrying from the room. Napstatton slid into his abandoned seat. “S’up, let’s do this.”

Chara smiled, confident in their victory. Something about that kid’s smile was really creepy and prompted several monsters and Katie to bet on the child winning. Shyren was pouting over her loss when Blue returned from making his call. He looked uncertain for a moment before scurrying over to Katie and signally that he wanted to whisper something to her. Katie sat, allowing the monster to reach her ear and whisper. “What’s a concussion?”

Katie blinked, not expecting that kind of question. “A concussion is when a human gets hit in the head hard enough to injure their brain.” She explained.

Blue thought about this, then asked again -still quiet enough that his brother couldn’t hear despite standing next to them and looking on in mild curiosity. “Is it serious? I mean… humans get scars and stuff easier than monsters… do concussions scar?”

“Oh gosh. I don’t think so? Not usually? It’s like… um….” Katie huffed out a breath. She hadn’t been expecting a test on human medicine tonight and had a hard time coming up with an analogy a skeleton would understand. “it’s like bruised fruit. Sometimes a really bad bruise ruins the apple, but usually it’s just a bump? I think?”

Blue nodded, understanding the analogy, then reached over and tugged Papyrus’s sleeve as if his brother hadn’t been paying attention already. “Pappy, the human Zack called. Your paramedic friends can’t make it tonight because the human Elle has a concussion?”

Papyrus looked concerned. “Did he say if they were okay?”

“Yes, he insisted that Elle would be ‘fine’ but they couldn’t make it.” Blue said, frowning sadly.

“So long as they’re going to be okay, bro. Those two seem pretty tough. Elle keeps up with you, doesn’t she?”

Blue thought about this for a moment, then grinned as he returned to his usual cheer. “Yes! They are both also very magnificent and will surely bounce back quickly!” He hopped off, intent on joining one of the board games that looked ready to start a new round.

Katie waited until the smaller skeleton was fully distracted before telling Papyrus; “Okay, get it out of your system.”

Papyrus was sheepish, but that didn’t stop himself from saying it, “I thought a human bouncing was the problem?”

“That was really dark. You’re horrible. You’re horrible and you should be ashamed.”

“You’re smiling.”

“I’m horrible and I’m ashamed.”

~

Alphys made a show of leaning over and pretending to share her cards with Undyne. “Papyrus and his datemate?” She asked.

Undyne glanced across the room. Katie had gotten pulled into a game of Clue and Papyrus was chatting with Asgore in the kitchen. “Hmmm.” Undyne frowned. “Well… Katie seems nice? I guess? I mean, if she can stand my writing she’s smart enough for Papyrus … and they seem good friends.” She worried her lip with a teeth, a move that would have shredded any creature without scales. “…but…” Her voice started to trail, not wanting to say anything unpleasant about the two.

“There’s no doki-doki in their kokoro.” Alphys said plainly.

Undyne was on her feet in an instant. “THAT’S IT! FU-HU…hu?” Her loud outburst rapidly trailed off when Undyne realized she’d made herself the center of attention. She sheepishly cleared her throat and sunk back into her seat, then continued sinking until she was nearly under the card table.

“Aw…” Alphys crooned, petting her girlfriend’s hair.

Slowly, Undyne collected herself and sat up a little closer to something resembling upright. Whispering again, she picked up the conversation. “There’s no doki-doki. They get along, they talk a little, but there’s no… no spark.”

“Exactly.” Alphys agreed, drawing a card.

“Yes. I mean, she seems okay, but Papyrus and Katie?” Undyne concluded.

“I d-don’t ship it.” Alphys agreed solemnly. Undyne shook her head, agreeing.

“Aw.” Flowey whined. “No matches.” They dropped their cards from their leaf. King Toriel, Queen Asgore, the two lost princes, and three historically famous members of the royal guard stared up from the table.

“A royal flush.” Alphys nodded her respect, folding her hand.

Undyne stared at the cards, then grabbed one and turned it over to look at the back. “What? How did they get a standard royal flush with cards for Magic; the Gathering?”


	8. TBI is the new Sick Fic

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The old saying 'don't let them fall asleep' surrounds a myth that a letting a concussed patient sleep will result in coma and death.  
> With new research from the desert wars and American Football Medicine finally getting their shit somewhat together, we now know that keeping a person with a concussion awake only makes things worse. Sleep: It does the brain good.

Elle whimpered as Zack carefully pressed the ice pack to her face. “Still hurts?” He asked sympathetically.

“No.” The sarcasm barely squeezed passed all the d’s caused by her congestion. “My mid-grade TBI and broken nose don’t hurt a bit.”

“You get bitey when you’re hurt.” Zack teased.

Elle stuck her tongue out, then had to inhale to talk. “Don’t you have class?”

“In a minute. I asked Blue to stay with you.”

The icepack was slapped clean out of Zack’s hand so Elle could open her eyes and stare at her roommate in horror. “You didn’t!”

“I did. He’s off work today and worried because we missed game night.” Zack explained.

Elle whined. “Why did you do that? I’m all bruised and shtuff!” Zack couldn’t tell if she’d started to curse and cut herself off or if that was the congestion. Probably the congestion.

He smirked at her and retrieved the ice pack from where she’d knocked it to the floor. “Now why would that be a problem? You’re friends.”

“It…” She hesitated, confusion showing through before shaking her head. “It just does. I’m really ugly right now.”

“How is now any different than usual?”

Zack was already jumping to his feet to avoid the pillow Elle tried to hit him with. She tried to get off the bed, chase him down and beat him to soft, fluffy death but the moment she tried to lift her weight from the mattress she lost her balance. Just as he’d predicted her violence, Zack was already at her side again, helping Elle back into bed. “Stupid.” Elle whimpered, the dizziness melting into a throb that worsened her pain, but not so much that she was willing to entirely forgive Zack’s teasing.

“Yeah.” Zack agreed gently, setting Elle’s pillow back where it belonged and pulling the disheveled covers back into place. “Stay in bed, get some rest.” Elle forced a heavy sigh at his admonishment, more irritated with her immobility than with the pain. “Please?” He barely flashed a set of puppy eyes and she caved, nodding and holding up a hand for her ice pack.

The door’s buzzer sounded. Zack patted Elle’s shoulder before hurrying to answer.

Blue stood in the doorway with a back pack and a large kitchen container covered in a towel to keep the contents warm. Zack eyed the container with growing horror. The skeleton smiled brightly -as ever- and greeted Zack. “Hello human friend! I am sorry for being a little late. Her majesty was sorry you two couldn’t make game night. King Toriel sent a pie to help Elle feel better!” He held up the offering with great pride.”

Zack gave a small laugh as relief swept through him. He wasn’t sure he had time to instigate an accident if Blue had cooked something. “That’s great. Come on in.” He stepped back and allowed Blue into the apartment. Although neither he nor Elle required it, Blue immediately toed off his boots before marching into their cold, largely neglected kitchen to deposit the pie.

Hands free, Blue turned to Zack. “Okay! Tell me about human concussions! What do I need to know?”

“Well.” Zack said, “If you want to know the technical stuff, I’m sure Elle and I both kept all out relevant books. She can point you in the right direction. But in general, Elle needs to rest her brain so it can heal. Unfortunately, that means the best thing for her is long naps and being bored.”

The thought of being bored struck Blue as a bad thing. “How will being bored help?”

“If she’s bored, she’s not stressing her brain.” Zack explained. “So, that means no exciting movies, no loud music, no video games, no energy drinks, no exciting or controversial books, and keep her off the internet because she _will_ start trolling.” He pointed to a phone on the table not far from where Blue had set the pie. “I already had to lock her laptop up. If she sleeps, that takes priority over everything because it’s the best thing right now, but her nose is kind of swollen so she’s having trouble sleeping.”

“Her nose is swollen?” Blue asked, thinking of cartoons with large red noses.

“Yeah, it got broken when-”

“HER NOSE IS BROKEN?!” Blue yelped, covering his nasal bones in protective empathy.

“No, it’s fine.” Zack made soothing gestures to try and bring Blue’s volume back down. “It’s been set and will heal just fine.” He assured his friend.

Blue slowly lowered his hands to reveal his pout. “There is nothing ‘fine’ about broken noses.” He said, just a little petulant.

Zack smiled. “Her nose will heal, and she’s got some pretty good pain medication.” He assured his friend. “Just keep her company, keep her bored, and call me if anything happens?”

The skeleton nodded firmly. “You can count on me!”

“Thanks. There’s her room.” Zack pointed to the door, though it wasn’t Blue’s first time in their apartment. “I’ve got to get going before I miss my bus.”

Missing his bus was a prospect almost as alarming to Blue as broken nasal bones. “Oh! Don’t be late! Good luck on your test!” He said, ushering his friend to the door.

“Thanks. Take care of her.” Zack grabbed his messenger bag from beside the door, waved, “See you in a few.” and was gone.

Blue closed the door behind the man and locked it securely. Then, he hopped over to the kitchen and searched around until he found a knife, fork, and a small plate to cut and serve the pie, taking the first slice up to Elle’s room.

Upon knocking smartly on the door, Blue thought he heard a groan. Clearly his poor friend was suffering, though he now wondered how much of this suffering was this ‘concussion’ and how much was her nose.

“Come in.” Elle called, and Blue did so.

Elle sat in her bed with the covers pulled up over her lap and carefully held an icepack in front of her face. “Good morning my human friend, Elle. I have come to take care of you, and I have brought a pie made by King Toriel herself, just this morning!” He held up the plate he’d brought, then nearly dropped it when Elle lowered the ice pack enough to peek at it. She saw his reaction to the dark bruises around her eyes, sighed, and lowered the icepack completely. “Oh wowzers.” Blue’s voice went soft.

The skin around both of Elle’s eyes was dark with bruising, along with a couple splotches over her eyebrows. The bruises were made to look even darker by the white bandage over the bridge of her nose. Her eyelids were also a little swollen, keeping her from opening them all the way and giving the bruised skin a shiny quality.

She was also, clearly, in pain.

Blue hurried to the side of her bed. “I hope you’re hungry!” He said, quickly stabbing the pie with the fork and offering Elle a bite. Elle looked from the fork he was holding a little too close to her face, to Blue’s look of concern. She laughed silently and took the fork from him.

“Thank you.” Elle said, then ate the bite.

“It’s a gift from King Toriel.” Blue explained proudly. “She’s one of the best healers in the entire Underground! She pours so much healing magic into her baking, it’s amazing! I wish she had more time to bake. Her majesty really loves it, but kings are busy.” He chatted, handing Elle the plate so she could keep eating.

“You’ll have to thank her for me.” Elle said after a few bites. A few bites later she insisted, “ _I’ll_ have to thank her!” Another bite. “What is this?”

“Butterscotch Cinnamon Pie!” Blue giggled a little, adding, “Chara calls it ‘butts pie’. Because it sounds funny.”

“Well,” Elle chuckled herself. “Chara is the world-famous _child_ ambassador.”

“Yes.” Blue said, now giggling with Elle. “Very childish!” They shared a quick look that assured each other they knew who was really being childish, and only giggled more.

Elle was the first to stop, not for her great maturity but because the giggling had set her head to spinning. She settled back on her pillows, using her fingers to nibble pick up and nibble the crust while Blue collected himself more slowly. He smiled at the human as she finished the pie. “How do you feel? Any better?”

The human considered, then smiled as she felt the difference. “My congestion’s gone! It doesn’t hurt as much!” She delicately touched her face, then flinched and yanked her hand back with a small, “ow.”

“Careful.” Blue warned her, taking the dirty dishes and setting them aside. “Healing magic works better on humans right after they’re hurt. The longer you wait, the less effective it is.”

“Good thing we talked Zack into letting your brother heal him, then.” Elle mused.

“Yes. Exactly.” Blue agreed. The bones between his eye sockets -those nice, not broken nasal bones- wrinkled expressively as he worried. “You don’t have to answer if you don’t want to, but how did you get hurt?”

Elle sighed, toying with her ice pack. “It was a misunderstanding. There was a monster hurt, and I can’t heal monsters. I tried to tell the guy who called for help but he thought I was saying I refused to help, not that I simply could not help.”

Blue was making a very interesting face. Somewhere between righteous outrage and confusion. “But… that’s no reason to punch you! You just wanted to help, and he really hurt you!”

“And his porch didn’t help.” Elle muttered, pressing the ice pack to the back of her head. She was pleased to find the swelling back there had gone down, too, but it still stung. More clearly she added, “He thought I was being mean to his friend.”

“Violence is not an appropriate response to meanness!” Blue insisted. Righteous indignation won over, but it kind of puffed out the bones around his teeth, how did that even work? It wasn’t fair. Blue was looking really cute right now and Elle was too dizzy to fully appreciate it.

“You’re right.” Elle agreed. She didn’t bother pointing out that being right didn’t make her feel better.

“And because he hurt _you_ that’s like… it’s like he’s hurting all the people you’re supposed to be helping, too!” Blue added, getting warmed up. “And Zack’s worried! So he hurt Zack, too! And your other EMT friends! You were there to help! You’re the god guy! Why did he think you weren’t!”

Elle just shook her head, slowly and carefully. “Good guys and bad guys only exist in movies.” She said.

Blue’s puffy indignation slowly evaporated. “So, you’re not mad at him?”

“Staying mad takes energy. I’m too tired for that.” Elle confessed. Between trying to chase Zack for teasing her about her face, and the giggle session with Blue, she’d done about all she was good for.

“Hm.” Blue looked at her carefully, then nodded to himself and slid off his backpack. He opened it and pulled out a book that looked to be held together with patches and prayers. “I brought a book Pappy likes… okay _I_ like to read when he’s not feeling good. Maybe you’d like me to read it to you?” Blue suggested, then added, “Since we’re being childish already.”

Elle started to snort in amusement but thought better of it or any other noises involving her nose. “There’s nothing childish about reading to someone.” She argued. “Audiobooks are a multimillion-dollar industry now. And there’s a lot of history behind it. Grownup history. With Grownup facts.” She frowned, losing her train of thought.

“So, may I?” Blue confirmed, eye lights sharpening to stars.

Elle only faintly remembered he wanted to read that book in his hands by this point. “Sure.”

“Great!” Blue carefully sat on Elle’s bed so not to disturb her, then opened the book. “Fluffy Bunny.”

“What?” Elle mumbled, convinced her hearing was going now too.

“Beyond the roads and through the woods, there is a meadow where the grass grows cool and the sun shines warm…” Blue didn’t even look at the first page as he recited the opening lines of the book. He held the book more so Elle could see the lovely water painting of a meadow than for his own reference. It was a pretty meadow, and the bunnies on the next page were so soft looking…

By the third page, Elle was asleep.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Don't worry. Zack is stopping by the home improvement store on the way home to get some industrial grade Love Triangle Repellent. We don't want none of that in this story... or any of my stories.
> 
> In unrelated news; Sour-Apple-Studios posting again makes my heart happy.  
> Knock-knock.


	9. Grillby's Hearth

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In which the happy couple has all the romantic chemistry of a rock and 'just friends' have something that looks dangerously like a date.

“Amazing.” Katie murmured, sipping her whiskey as a bird monster left them to their drinks. “Since agreeing to date you I’ve become an expert in human medicine and behavior.”

Papyrus snickered. “What? Humans aren’t experts on humans?”

“Wouldn’t that be something?” Katie snorted. She finished the whiskey and tilted the glass at Papyrus questioningly, “So how’s your friend doing? The medic with the concussion?”

The skeleton nodded. “Good, good. Blue’s babysat her a couple times and always brings magic food, so she’ll heal up in no time.”

“That’s great to hear.” Katie intoned. “What happened?”

“A human who wasn’t an expert in humans hit her.” Papyrus explained. Katie winced and nodded, that seemed to be the way of things.

“Seems like lawsuit material.” She said.

Muffet was looking in their direction, so Papyrus tapped the bar to indicate he’d like another drink. It was still early in the evening, so he didn’t get any remarks about his brother or his tab when she left him a fresh bottle of honey. After savoring the first sip of sweet, sweet goodness, freshly warmed, he replied to Katie, “Yep. Don’t know what Elle thinks about it, but the department and especially her roommate are up in arms. Could get ugly.”

“Started ugly.”

“True.”

They sat companionably until a short, giraffe looking monster tapped gently on Katie’s knee to politely ask if humans cooked the bodies before eating their dead. Katie managed to explain concisely that humans very, very, very rarely eat each other, bodies are usually either buried or burned. Yes, sometimes with their favorite things. Yes, sometimes they surviving humans kept the deceased’s favorite things as a memento… Yes, there were stories of these favorite things being possessed but that was never fully proven.

Finally, the little giraffe left, satisfied. Katie sighed and picked up her second whiskey.

“Maybe humans need to have more conversations like that to become experts.” Papyrus suggested.

Katie grimaced. “I think we get prickly a little too fast for that.”

“Then be kind, warn me if you ever start to prickle.” Papyrus teased.

“Here’s your only warning; I have food aggression.” Katie returned, smiling. Papyrus chuckled.

A few more monsters approached Katie with questions ranging from what temperature humans guests might find comfortable to how to became a Jedi. Other than these short interruptions, it was a typical evening at Muffet’s. Papyrus gave drunk dog a bone to gnaw on until they dozed off again. Minnie eventually found a song she liked and played it a half dozen times. A couple other humans wandered in, had some drinks, and wandered out again. Cupcake stopped by to bump Katie’s leg in greeting before chittering a scolding at some spiders lingering over the rabbits’ card game.

When it could reasonably be called ‘late’, Katie paid her bill with a tip while Papyrus dropped his last honey into his inventory and told Muffet to put his drinks on his tab. Papyrus held Katie’s hand and -despite the fact that she only lived two blocks away- took a short cut to her front door. Despite dating for over a month, Papyrus was suffering commitment issues and still hadn’t asked to pick her locks.

Katie’s living room was simply done, the same neutral colors found in most leased apartments with a Knight Rider poster for decoration. At least the couch was comfortable, not even lumpy. Prior experience taught them it was more comfortable for Papyrus to lean on Katie than the other way around, so they settled into their now usual position on the couch with Katie acting as Papyrus’s body pillow while she worked the remote and brought up the next episode of Murder She Wrote. Papyrus reveled in the terrible mystery stories while Katie considered Angela Lansbury a sheer delight.

They binged until Katie started getting sleepy. That was Papyrus’s queue to nudge Katie off to bed before he’d head home to surf the net or even catch some z’s if he was lucky.

It was their usual.

~

“I heard him at his keyboard again before I left for work, so he clearly didn’t get enough sleep, again!” Blue huffed, checking his pace so he wouldn’t walk ahead of his friend.

Elle gave him as much of a sympathetic smile as her sunglasses would allow. “At least he’s got a pretty great brother to take care of him.”

“Mweh, of course! A big brother’s first and best job is to take magnificent care of our little brothers!” Blue boasted. “Just like you and Zack!”

Elle blinked, “We’re not…” She considered for a moment, then smiled and let it stand.

They turned a corner and Blue pointed ahead. “This way! We’re almost there!” Elle followed his direction as Blue led the way to a different park than their usual. While their usual park had the fountain and the fitness route, this park had more playground equipment and trees. The path was completely free of distance markings and was clearly designed for long, rambling walks at a relaxed pace.

Thankfully, Blue had encouraged her to leave the path a couple times to shorten their overall walk. She still wasn’t supposed to be exercising much and Blue was being very careful to ensure Elle didn’t push herself.

They rounded another bend and the path opened up into a large open space with a tent set up. The tent was larger than a rental tent, and though it would be small for a circus it was certainly decorated for one. Bright colors were splashed everywhere and it was covered in flames -real flames not painted ones. The fires were small, self-contained, and literally dancing around the material. The overall impression was dazzling even with sunglasses.

Elle’s brain did not approve of ‘dazzling’ at the moment and sent an angry throb to the back of her head.

“Come on!” Blue took her hand and led her toward the opening. “It’s less shiny inside.” He promised, by now familiar with the way Elle’s hand reached for her head when she was getting overworked.

Sure enough, the inside of the tent was less. The overall color scheme was a subdued blue and the space was well lit from the fires on the outside of the canvas. The ground was set up with round tables arranged with place settings, table clothes, and comfortable chairs. A few of the tables were occupied by monsters and humans clearly enjoying themselves. A flame monster shorter even than Blue flitted over and gestured Elle and Blue to an empty table. They smiled pleasantly before flitting off again.

Blue fussed a little over Elle as she sat. “That wasn’t too far, was it? Is your head hurting again?”

“I’m fine.” Elle said, not entirely fibbing. The softer lighting in the interior of the tent was soothing the dull throb. She removed the hat and sunglasses that had been protecting her eyes from the sunlight, revealing that the bruising had subsided to greens and yellows except where the white bandage remained on her nose. “Thank you. I’ve been dying to get out of the apartment.”

Blue lit up, “Happy to help! I’m sure we’ll be back to our usual training in no time! Mweh-heh!”

The skeleton took his own seat, and no sooner was he settled than a flame monster in a turquoise suit and absurdly huge spectacles popped up out of nowhere and handed them both a menu. Elle made a funny little noise in her throat but managed to avoid yelping at his sudden appearance. The flame elemental gestured with a flourish to the top of the menu - _Grillby’s Hearth_ \- and then patted his chest by way of introduction. With similar flourishes he pointed to the specials, then the drinks. He finished by filling two glasses with _fire_ before bustling off to communicate with another table.

“Um…” Elle cautiously reached over and touched the glass of fire. It was warm to the touch, but not burning. The flames simmered low, rarely flickering above the lip of the glass and staying a nice red orange which gave off less extra light than a regular dinner candle.

“Fire Water!” Blue explained cheerfully, “Not like the stuff in Human Westerns. Papyrus said that was actually alcohol, but Grillby doesn’t touch the stuff!” He pointedly sipped from his own drink, then giggled. “It tickles.”

“Hm.” Elle picked up her glass. It was lighter than a normal glass filled with water would be, but also heavier than an empty glass. Deciding to trust Blue, Elle skipped the potentially rude sniff-test and forced herself to keep her eyes open as she tried a sip of her own.

She was greeted with a mouthful of contrasts. It wasn’t quite liquid, but it moved like liquid. There was an almost fizziness to it that wasn’t texture but still brought to mind the foam from a root beer float. The drink warmed Elle’s mouth and tongue like slow burning spicy foods did, but never quite started to burn. Despite the almost fizz and the not quite burning, it was also satisfying, not leaving Elle thirsty. When Elle did sniff after drinking, all she picked up was the faintest scent of something burning, but whatever was burning was the cleanest fuel ever.

If Elle could get over the fact that this was burning, glowing, fire; she could almost mistake it for warm sparkling water. And not only did it tickle a little, it also completely banished Elle’s lurking headache. Magic. Elle giggled, which set Blue off again.

Grillby soon returned with a notebook and pen that he never actually wrote with. Blue ordered flame-grilled burgers and fries for their lunch. The flame elemental cocked his head at Blue and his flames hissed questioningly. Blue flushed, his namesake color dusting his zygomatic, maxilla, and frontal squama while Elle quietly reminded herself to stop practicing anatomical terminology on her friend. The skeleton nodded in response to Grillby’s apparent question and added a meek, “Yes please.”

As the flame elemental left to the back kitchens, Blue looked sheepish. “The food here’s not _really_ healthy, but it’s good! And this is kind of a special occasion!”

Elle chuckled. “You don’t have to convince me, Blue. It’s okay to splurge sometimes. We’ll both stick to our healthy routines twice as hard, as soon as I’m all better.”

That promise cheered Blue right up again. “Yes, we will! Twice as healthy! Twice as magnificent!”

Grillby came out in hardly any time at all pushing a hand trolley. Right beside their table, he grilled the burgers in his bare hands before nestling the patties on buns laden with condiments. These were arranged and secured with toothpicks. Grillby then rapidly cut two potatoes into a bowl, drizzles them with oil, added salt and some spices, then stirred everything with his hand -frying the potato wedges. He poured the steaming fries beside the burgers, then took a bottle of ketchup from the tray and liberally covered half the potatoes and one of the burgers until Elle thought the food was going to just swim away to tomato Valhalla.

Grillby left a second bottle of ketchup on the table, should Elle want any, and then skipped off to tuck the tray away behind a flap of the tent before going to greet a fish monster and a gorgeous human woman who’d come in together.

“Mweh!” Blue giggled excitedly before grabbing a fry dripping in ketchup and eating.

Elle tried the fries without ketchup and decided they were good enough without, though she did add a dab of the sauce to the side of her plate to try later. The burger was just as good; perfectly juicy with just the right amount of grilled onions and sauce. The bun was both the best size for this burger, and would have made a delicious roll alone.

They both ate in silence not because it was their habit but because this food was just too good to ignore in favor of conversation. When Elle finally did get to the ketchup, she almost regretted not trying it sooner as it had the perfect amount of zing.

Blue finished first, though Elle wasn’t far behind. She was dabbing up a little sauce from the burger with the last of her fries as Blue wiped his teeth with a cloth napkin and finished the last of his fire water. “Mweh!” He pronounced, deeply satisfied.

Elle agreed fully.

The short flamesman came with the check and though they appeared cheerful enough, they left before saying anything. Elle wasn’t even sure if the tiny elemental could talk or if they had a name.

“I hear Papyrus is dating someone?” Elle asked without preamble.

Blue almost jumped in his seat. “What? Where did you hear something like that!” He gasped. Distraction successful, Elle swiped the check before Blue could get his gloves on it.

“Zack mentioned it. Said they were an engineer or something?”

Blue frowned when he saw Elle’s little trick. “We can split the check, but I’m supposed to be treating you!” He complained.

Elle smiled as she tucked some cash from her wallet into the billfold and scribbled ‘no change’ on the bill. “If the magnificent Sans wants to pay the bill,” She held the check out and the little elemental came back for it right away, “He’s going to have to move faster than that!”

“Mweh! I accept your challenge, my friend!” Blue announced, jumping up in his seat in his excitement. He then hopped down and waited as Elle retrieved her hat and sunglasses before standing. Blue again kept to Elle’s pace. “If Papyrus was dating anyone, he would definitely introduce me to his date mate!”

“Maybe Zack misunderstood.” Elle supposed.

As they left the tent, neither noticed two flame elementals peeking at them from the back room, flames sparking and hissing whispers.


	10. Return to those Happy Days

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Would you like some slice of life? Have two small slices.

Elle inhaled as she woke, then grimaced at the lingering smell of burnt paper and fried potatoes. The smell had given her dreams as weird as the ones right after her concussion.

Zack was never allowed to iron their uniforms again.

She sat up on the couch and blinked sleepily at Papyrus, looking around once to confirm they were in the department kitchen before looking back at the skeleton who did not work at the department. “Hello?”

Papyrus’s smile quirked lazily. “Hey. Zack asked me to pick you up, take ya home.” Elle grunted in confusion and checked her watch, resisting the urge to tap it in confusion when she saw how late it was. “He said to tell you someone was refusing to sign the AMA and you’d know that that meant?”

“Yeah, yeah. It means he’s going to be forever.” Elle confirmed. She stood, stretching broadly and groaning obnoxiously. “Thanks for the pick-up. I should be cleared to adult unsupervised next week.”

“It’s no problem.” Papyrus assured her as she led the way to her cubby to collect her things. “How was the big first day back at work?”

“Oh thrilling.” Elle snarked, grabbing her bag. “We had to talk to medical control about the ‘Incident’. Zack kind of freaked out and ironed our uniforms to death yesterday.”

“Is that the smell?”

“That’s the smell.” Elle confirmed.

“…scent-sational.” Sometimes Elle enjoyed puns, but she’d been smelling her over-starched, iron scorched uniform for over 24 hours so Papyrus earned a look of ruefully not-amused. “So, with things go _smell_ with medical control?”

Elle’s not amused face hardened further. “It went good, actually. The Lawyer,” the capital L on ‘Lawyer’ was audible, “agreed to drop the charges against the man. I don’t even have to sit through an awkward apology!”

“You don’t want an apology?” Papyrus asked.

“I still need some distance to be forgiving.” Elle confessed, rubbing the discolored bridge of her nose with some self-pity. The pain was long gone but the lingering yellow green mark made her self-conscious. The taller skeleton nodded, tucking his hands into the pocket of his orange hoodie as Elle slung her bag over her shoulder and closed her cubby.

“Your big boss called you in for that? Seems a phone call would have been easier.”

“Not entirely, he also wanted our feedback on whether or not EMT’s and Paramedics could handle maybe training a little more so we could incorporate a few treatments for monsters, in case that happens again.”

They passed through the break room where Papyrus’s sneakers squeaked loudly on the linoleum tile. “And you said?”

Elle shrugged. “Dunno. I mean, I could probably reanimate your dust by soaking it in honey, but not all monsters are beehive vampires.” Papyrus snickered and nodded. “And I don’t think all medics could learn that little green light trick you pulled with Zack.” She wiggled her fingers at him. Papyrus smirked and shrugged. “So, I honestly don’t know.” Elle pushed open the door that led to the parking lot the EMS Department shared with the City Legislator’s Library.

Papyrus pulled some keys from his pocket and hit the fob button. A horn beeped from behind a truck several slots down. They followed the sound. “The rest of my shift was sleep and inventory.” Elle said, waving her side of the conversation away. “So enough about my exciting life. What have you been up to?”

“Oh, about six feet, seven inches.” Papyrus replied easily, grinning slyly.

It took a moment, but Elle did get the joke and chuckled as they reached the truck and circled it to the … toy… car? A toddler’s toy riding car.

Elle stared, wondering who would leave such a thing here in the middle of a parking lot. It was sure to get hit and crushed when someone too careless tried to park next to the truck.

Papyrus clicked his key fob at it. The sticker headlights flashed and the tiny little horn beeped.

“ _WHAT THE HELL?!?!?”_

~~~~~~

“The meeting’s _over!_ ” Chara whined. “Please, Blue?” The child ambassador clasped their hands together and batted their brilliant red eyes at Blue while smiling sweetly.

Blue sighed, knowing he was a soft touch. He hadn’t been able to resist begging eyes since Papyrus mastered the art of making his orange eye lights pale and quiver… which took about two seconds after the first time Blue tried to stop bottle feeding him. “Okay. But no more playing during important meetings! It’s disrespectful to your visiting dignitaries… and everyone else, too!” Blue scolded, pulling the hand-held video game out of his inventory and returning it.

“Respect! Sure!” Chara said, taking their game back. “Thanks Blue!” They dragged Blue in for a quick hug, then skipped off toward the cafeteria where their father was doubtlessly waiting. Yandere Plane glided away from the wall and followed behind the ambassador. The airborne guard would follow Chara and ~~Queen~~ Asgore home, then take up a holding pattern over their house for the night. This meant Blue was off the clock for the day.

But he didn’t make a move to leave. Instead, Blue turned and walked back toward the meeting room.

It had been one of the more pleasant meetings. Everyone had been polite -except when Chara let themselves get distracted- and nobody demanded or threatened or got the least bit murdery. Admittedly, Blue couldn’t follow the discussion on taxation of rendered services very well, but it looked like the matter had been dealt with to the satisfaction of everyone present.

The visiting city leaders had already left. Alphys was standing just outside the doors visitors were usually brought in and taken out through and discussing the shift with Shyren, a banshee fish monster who led the detail guarding the King on week nights.

Still at the table, fingering through some of the thick documents on human taxes, remained King Toriel. She often stayed very, very late at the embassy and was always back at work before anyone but the night guards and custodial staff arrived. Shyren wasn’t much of a gossip -too distracted with decibel contests and which teas were best for the voice- but she did admit that there were far too many times when the King simply stayed and worked all night or just didn’t go home.

She did, however, look up and smile when Blue approached. Gosh, she was pretty. Eyes soft, King Toriel greeted Blue as if they hadn’t spent most of the last few hours in the same room. “Hello, Blue.”

It was a good sign. No matter how bad things got with work, she always greeted him when he sought her out in private. If she didn’t see him, it was because she’d lost herself in her own mind. Those were the nights she didn’t go home unless Blue managed to distract her and cheer her up before she sent him away to spend the evening with his brother.

“Hello your majesty!” Blue returned the greeting. “I think today went very well!”

King Toriel hummed as she stacked some of the papers neatly. “Yes. Taxes are not pleasant to discuss, but negotiations went very smoothly.” She considered the meeting with fondness and a little pride. “Chara’s insight surprised me. I did not think a child their age would have anything to contribute to such a discussion.”

Blue had to agree. “They always seem to know just what to say to make things go smoothly!”

“They most certainly do.” Toriel agreed, setting the papers aside for Krispy Buns to collect and store later. Instead of standing to go to her office, King Toriel turned in her seat and spoke with a twinkle in her eye. “I heard a rumor about my favorite skeleton and a certain human medic.” She said.

Blue blushed at being referred to in such a way. “I’m your favorite? I mean, of course I’m your favorite! I am magnificent after all! And there are only two of us to choose from, though Papyrus is also pretty great in his own, lazy way.” King Toriel chuckled. It took a moment for Blue to remember there was another part to her statement. He jumped a little and hurried to ask, “Oh! And which human medic?”

It should have been clear. Though Blue had two friends fitting that description, it was the one they had been discussing more often and whom King Toriel had offered pies to, and whom the rumor was about. If Blue wasn’t making the connection maybe there was less to the rumor than she’d heard? Guards Bratty and Catty were usually very reliable, though.

“I believe you said her name was Elle.” King Toriel told Blue to be more specific. “The rumor was you two were spotted at Grillby’s on a date!” She delivered the news with a mischievous wrinkle of her nose, pretending it didn’t bother her… because it couldn’t. She had no right...

“A date?” Blue repeated, then chortled merrily. “Mweh-heh-heh! Goodness no! She’s not allowed to train with me yet, so we just went for a walk and lunch!” He chuckled a little more. “She never had fire water before! It was fun to watch!”

King Toriel allowed herself to giggle at the thought. Humans could be so funny when they tried new things, and sharing that amusement with Blue made it fresh and made her feel young again. She finally stood from the table and started back toward her office, waiting to ensure Shyren had seen her leave before going to far.

“I fear I have been keeping Captain Alphys too busy as of late. Are you two still able to train together?” She asked as Blue kept pace beside her.

“Not as often, but we do still train regularly! Just last week…” And off he went, a tidal wave of pleasant, cheerful chatter that almost never failed to make the King feel more optimistic.

As she listened, Toriel also absently considered the rumor. Perhaps Blue was not interested in this human medic in such a manner, but that might change in the future. Toriel would have Bratty and Catty pay a little more attention to this human… give her a report… determine if they were a truly good person as Blue inevitably believed of everyone. If they were, then perhaps Toriel could begin addressing this dangerous warmth she still felt toward the young skeleton monster, begin letting go. If the human proved less than acceptable… she could be encouraged away from Blue and perhaps Ebott altogether.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Spoiler: Elle doesn't have any real dirt to be dug up. Toriel does want what's best for Blue and knows it isn't her. No psycho ooc king chasing down one of the love interests here.


	11. The Second Dinner Party

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The human OC's finally meet.  
> Papyrus still works for the Embassy.  
> Blue has a dark past full of secrets and scandal.  
> And the writer plays a shell game.

“I still can’t believe it! Pappy and his human friend, Katie, were dating the _whole time!_ ” Blue exclaimed, dumping spiced ground beef from the red bowl into the hot frying pan. “How could he not tell me?”

Elle took up the wooden spoon and began stirring the meat as Blue had taught her. “I’m sure it just slipped his mind.” She assured him.

“But they were _dating_!” Blue insisted, retrieved the fresh vegetables and cutting board. “For months! That seems serious enough to say something!” He checked the knife for sharpness, then began chopping and dicing.

“Was he keeping it secret?” Elle asked, trying to convey _passion_ and _friendship_ into her stirring. It must have been working, the meat remained pink despite the smoking cooking oil.

The skeleton considered, knife flying. “Well… no. I guess he never really introduced us formally…”

Katie hummed. “That seems like him.”

Blue paused, stilling for a rare moment. “Yes. That’s just like Papyrus. Mweh! And now we’re all going to meet properly for a wonderful taco dinner!” Successfully cheered, he returned to chopping, then scraped a large portion of diced tomatoes into the blender. “He’s so lazy sometimes! I constantly remind him of his manners and here he is again!” Despite his words, Blue’s tone was filled with so much pride it sounded like bragging.

“Zack’s always reminding me to be polite.” Katie said with an understanding nod. “I think he worries too much though.”

“And I’m sitting right here.” Zack reminded them, not looking up from his homework.

“Do not worry, my friend! We haven’t forgotten you!” Blue assured him and returned to chopping.

Blue filled the blender with tomatoes, onion, hot peppers, cilantro, a hefty pinch of salt, a splash of lemon juice, and something from the underground: NTT brand Magma Powder. Katie hadn’t seen it in stores, which made it impossible for her to replicate Blue’s salsa recipe at home. Capping the blender, Blue warned, “Loud noises.” And pressed the button. He blended the mixture until the stems on the peppers couldn’t be seen and everything turned an almost even shade of crimson.

Stopping the blender, Blue poured the salsa into its designated bowl -a beautiful volcanic rock mortar he was particularly proud of. Blue’s special typha shells were popped into the oven to crisp. Some more tomatoes were diced and put into a little blue bowl to be added fresh to tacos. Finally, Blue shredded a small head of iceberg lettuce and put it in the red bowl.

He was busily shredding fresh cheese when the doorbell rang, making the two humans jump at the loud noise in the relative quiet. Blue scurried to the door calling, “I’ve got it!”

Elle nodded in unseen reply to his call. She was pleased to see the meat was now thoroughly browned beneath a generous coating of darkened, smoking oil. Zack started gathering his study materials and put the fire extinguisher back in the fire extinguisher cabinet. While he was there, he checked the pressure on the other three extinguishers and made a note on the grocery list for one of them to be replaced.

Blue threw open the door and greeted a human woman with hair that couldn’t decide if it was curly or frizzy. “Human Katie! So glad you could make it! Come on in!” Katie smiled and greeted Blue almost as warmly. She kicked her shoes off while Blue closed the door, then led her toward the kitchen. “You missed each other at game night! These are our human friends Zack and Elle! Elle, Zack, this is Papyrus' date mate, Katie!”

Katie’s smile went stiff when she saw the column of smoke Katie was vigorously stirring, but Zack gave her a sympathetic smile as he came over and took her hand. “I’m Zack.”

“Pleasure.” Katie returned as they shook.

“Wonderful! You two can talk or watch TV! The tacos will be ready soon!” Blue announced before heading back into the kitchen. He looked into the pan Elle was stirring and frowned, then turned the heat up.

Katie saw the adjustment and couldn’t hide her dread. “What…?”

Zack guided her away from the kitchen for her own sanity. “You haven’t had Blue’s tacos yet?”

“No…”

“Don’t worry. Just take one bite -avoid the salsa- say something nice to Blue -and Elle, she’s my roommate- and then Papyrus will poof the rest of the tacos when nobody’s looking.” Zack assured her.

Katie lifted and eyebrow at the medic but decided not to comment on the strangeness of his advice. Instead she looked around the living room. “And Papyrus is…?”

Zack checked his watch, brow furrowing. “I thought he was coming with you…”

Katie shook her head, smiling crookedly. “Nope. Guess he’ll show up later.” She flopped on the couch, “So, tell me about yourself. You’re friends with Blue?” Zack shot a curious glance at the front door as if expecting Papyrus at any moment, before sitting on the opposite side of the couch and explaining how he and Elle had met the skeleton brothers. When he finished the little story, Katie followed up with another question, “How long have you two been roommates?”

Zack considered. “Well, since we aged out at 18.” Katie blinked, thought about it for a minute, made the connection. She was already starting to form the words when Zack confirmed, “Yeah, we’re both foster kids.”

“And you’re both medics? Paramedics? So… college?” Katie asked, her brow furrowing as she struggled to understand and remember details of a life completely alien to her own.

Zack nodded. “Yeah. We teamed up in junior high and worked our asses off.” His smile was small, but overflowing with humble triumph. "I'm actually picking up a few extra credits before applying to med school... Elle's not interested, though."

“That’s fantastic!” Katie praised, genuinely pleased for him.

The medic shrugged modestly and scratched at his knee. “What about you? What do you do?”

“I work at Truitt Motors.” Katie explained with a shrug.

“That’s cool.” A very neutral response to the same career nearly a quarter of Ebott’s working populace called their own. “So, you and Papyrus met…?”

“Muffet's. He took pity on me after a bad breakup and now we’re…” She tried to define it but ended up laughing in her self-inflicted confusion. “I guess? I mean, we’re “Dating”,” Katie actually used the finger quotes. “But we’re not _dating_. Does that make any sense?”

Zack just smiled and shook his head. No, it didn’t make any sense.

Blue bustled out of the kitchen, still wearing an apron smeared with soot and holding his phone up in the hand not covered with an oven mitt. “Papyrus’s job’s running late!” He told Katie. “He’ll miss dinner but be back later, is that okay?”

“It’s no problem.” Katie assured him, though Zack had suddenly gone deathly pale.

“Great!” Blue tucked his phone into his inventory. “Because dinner is served!” He gestured grandly toward the dining room table, even adding a little bow as Elle -one cheek streaked with black- brought out a tray of tacos and started sorting them out onto the plates. Blue pointed Zack and Katie to their respective spots where their usual drinks were already set

Zack was visibly trembling as he half slid, half fell into his seat. He stared at the three tacos on his plate as if they were planning to attack him, but still afforded a wobbly smile at his roommate and host.

Katie considered the tacos. They didn’t exactly look conventional, but was it really that bad?

“Don’t worry.” Elle assured them both, setting a beautiful rock mortar bowl on the table with some spoons. “We put Blue’s salsa on the side. It’s pretty hot so be careful.”

“Oh, great.” Zack said in a tone that said it was anything but.

“That’s nice.” Katie still felt like she was missing something, but that was normal when stepping into a new social circle. While she wasn’t adverse to spicy foods, Katie decided to try the tacos without the salsa first. Under the watchful, hopeful eyes of the two cooks and the apologetically quivering of Zack’s, Katie bit into her first taco.

Oh.

 _That’s_ what she’d been missing. She really, really could have continued to miss that. Meat wasn’t supposed to crunch, but this did mightily. The sour cream, lettuce, and tomato struggled valiantly but could neither overcome the deeply burnt, ashy flavor nor the dryness of the taco. Katie kept her expression a careful neutral as she sipped her tea to wash the stuff down though she was confident the flavor would linger for a few days, like the scent of a chemical fire.

“That’s… interesting.” She dredged up diplomacy worthy of a preschool teacher. “Can I try…?” She indicated the salsa, hoping to counter the dryness.

“Absolutely!” Blue cheerfully scooted the bowl closer to Katie, “Help yourself!”

Zack tried to communicate apocalyptic warnings with his eyes as Katie sprinkled a little salsa onto the taco.

Heat exploded in her mouth. Almost immediately Katie felt her skin flushing and sweat prickling. DAMN but that was hot! “Hoo!” Katie puffed and chugged half her tea, tears starting to stream down her cheeks, cursing herself for forgetting that tea did _not_ help. “Hoo!” She puffed again.

Blue and Elle were grinning, pleased with their accomplishment. Zack looked ready to throw himself on his sword in recompense for subjecting an innocent to this treatment. Straightening his back, he resolved not to allow Katie to suffer alone, and started on his own tacos.

As it turned out, Zack was able to chew and swallow his way through so long as he kept up that same barrier of intentional professional distance he used on the… really bad calls. He could handle the things so long as he stayed away from the salsa. Katie, on the other hand, had a higher tolerance for heat and could, almost, enjoy the suffering so long as she didn’t have to actually _taste_ it. The two of them struggled valiantly through their dinner as Elle and Blue, contentedly oblivious, chatted about work and their plans to resume training as soon as their schedules allowed.

Katie had asked for and been given a glass of milk, which helped with the heat enough for her to cough out, “So… you both have unusual schedules?”

Zack washed the ash down before replying, “Ebott Paramedics work 24 hours on, 48 hours off.” Both suffering humans sighed, their duty to the conversation met.

Blue nodded. “I guard Ambassador Frisk when they’re not at school or with their father, so my schedule changes every week!” Katie hummed an interested note. “Don’t worry, Papyrus usually just works from ten in the morning to six in the afternoon, but sometimes the King asks him to do some work at the Embassy on projects he started in the Underground. That’s where he is now.”

Katie set the second half of her second taco down, and not just because her lips were starting to blister. “Oh.” She’d thought it was somebody rich paying him to work late on some care repairs. She’d done that herself a few times getting through college. He’d never mentioned also working for the Embassy. Then again, she probably never mentioned going to college. It just… wasn’t how their shallow, farcical ‘relationship’ worked. But after Game Night, and now listening to the friendly chatter between Blue and Elle while silently developing a sense of battlefield comradery with Zack; it was the first time Katie kind of regretted that.

Well… it wasn’t like the rules of their arrangement precluded getting to know each other. They might be about three months late, but why not?

Resolved to ask some of the baseline questions next time they hung out, Katie picked her taco back up, sprinkled some more salsa into the lettuce, and set herself to endure the rest of the meal.

Bless their kitchen-illiterate hearts; Blue and Elle had ice-cream for dessert. Store bought and not the least bit burnt. They each had a bowl and turned to the most natural line of conversation considered everyone present only really had one thing in common.

“…it was _everywhere!_ ” Blue explained, waving his gloved hands to emphasize not only flat surfaces, but walls and the ceiling, too. “And Miss Muffet puts her hands on her hips… all of them, that’s how you know she’s serious.” Katie nodded, she’d seen that look. “And she just frowns at Papyrus until he starts sinking down, trying to look small.” Elle snorted, as if Papyrus ever could do that. “And after a minute she just announces, ‘The bar is closed until _someone_ gets this cleaned up!’ and she gives Pappy the stink eyes. She kept glaring at him as she, very clearly, took the box of honey bottles from behind the bar and left!” Zack snorted around his spoon, quickly setting it down to cover his mouth and laugh. “And guess where Muffet asked to stay while Pappy was cleaning?”

“Oh no…” Katie murmured helplessly, guessing correctly. The medics shook their heads and waited for the punchline.

“Our house!” It was Elle’s turn to snort with laughter. “Papyrus was too scared of Miss Muffet to come home, so he couldn’t get to his own honey! It took two weeks before Miss Muffet’s spiders approved his cleaning! I never saw him work so hard in his life!”

They were all laughing, carefully holding or setting aside bowls of ice-cream when Papyrus walked into the living room from the kitchen, a sucker stick poking out from his teeth. He looked around in some surprise at the small crowd before muttering, “Oh… that was tonight?”

“Welcome home Papyrus!” Blue cheered.

“Hey Papyrus!” Elle and Zack chorused.

Katie smiled and waved. “Hello honey.” Papyrus gave her a curious look. “Blue was just telling us about your Condiment Expanding Machine.”

“Oh no. Blue, you didn’t.” Papyrus’s whine was half amusement.

“Mweh-heh! I most certainly did! Be glad we don’t have pictures of you as a baby-bones!” Blue returned.

“I thank the Angel every day.” Papyrus returned, folding his hands in an attitude of grateful piety. He then sauntered into the living room and settled onto the couch next to Katie, slinging a comfortable arm around her. “Now we should tell them about your date with the Ambassador…”

“What? NO! Pappy! That’s classified!” Blue tried to sound official, but his voice took on a high, reedy note as panic set in and his face started to glow with his namesake magic.

Papyrus smirked. “It’s classified because the assistant chief guard to the Ambassador made it classified.”

“For the safety of the Ambassador’s reputation!” Blue insisted angrily, blushing more brightly.

“Oh? The _Ambassador’s_ reputation?” Papyrus feigned surprise. “Not the assistant chief guard to the Ambassador’s reputation?”

“ _Papyrus!_ ” By now, Blue’s entire skull had gone blue and his huge eye lights were starting to look pale in comparison. Zack quickly collected empty and nearly empty ice-cream bowls and escaped to the kitchen where he could safely stifle his snickers. Katie was smiling so hard her cheeks were probably going to hurt in the morning. Elle had shifted on the floor so she was curled up with her face half behind her knees, failing to disguise the fact that she didn’t want Blue to get truly upset over this, and yet _really_ wanted to hear this story.

Papyrus’s grin softened with affection. “Yeah, still classified. BUT! The truth behind why we all call the coolest skeleton ‘Blue’ is not classified.”

“ ** _PAPYRUS!_** ” Blue yelped, jumping to his feet in horror.

All laughter and smiles disappeared. Zack poked his head out of the kitchen.

Finally, Elle asked, “… it’s not because of the color of your magic, or your clothes?”

Blue froze, looking around at all the surprised humans and his brother’s thinly veiled delight. He thought rapidly, then cleared his throat and sat down in the very picture of composure and self-control. “When we were underground, I was an honorary sentry whose job was to capture any humans who came past my perfectly crafted sentry station! I knew this would earn me a position as a Royal Guard, so I REALLY wanted to be the one to capture the human! When Chara fell down…” He remained serene as he told the entire story of the date, though his skull didn’t start to fade back to white for nearly an hour.


	12. Wellfare Checks are the new Sic Fic

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> It was bound to happen sooner or later.

Elle’s stomach heaved, but all that came up was a belch of air. “I think I’m done.” The announcement grated out from a sore throat. She cupped her hands under the running water to wash her face and mouth.

“Hurray.” Her roommate monotoned. Zack sat on the toilet, naked from the waist down save for a towel placed across his lap to protect him from the chilly bathroom. His sleep shirt was plastered to his clammy skin.

Elle wasn’t quite as bad off. She could wear elastic banded shorts. After washing, she swiped a hand towel across her face and stepped back so she could slide to the floor with the wall’s support and assistance. “What time is it?” She asked only because Zack was leaning over with his elbows on his knees and could see his watch. Unlike Elle, he slept with the thing.

“Three.”

“Only three? I thought it was later.”

“Three in the afternoon.” Zack corrected. “Fifteen eleven.”

Elle grimaced, letting out a long curse. “At least your classes are on break this weekend.” Zack managed a grunt. Unlike Elle, he _liked_ class. Let her get up before the crack of dawn to run in the park, he’d be up after midnight mastering Biochemistry.

They sat in silence, Zack breathing carefully and Elle swallowing bitter nausea. Zack watched through slit eyes as the second hand traveled around and around the watch face. They were both too tired to care much about the passing of time, but when the minute hand dropped to the thirty-minute mark Zack decided that enough was too much. He fumbled with the towel to make himself a manly terrycloth kilt, then carefully stood.

His legs gave out and he dropped back onto the toilet seat with an alarming crack that startled Elle out of a light doze. “What?”

“Need my phone…” Zack grumbled

“Right, right…” Elle braced herself and stood before venturing out into their apartment. She traced one hand along the wall until she reached Zack’s room, retrieved his phone from his desk, and returned it to him.

His hands shook as he took the device and started the process of unlocking. Elle resumed her place on the floor. “Why?” She finally asked.

“Calling Chief.” Zack said.

Elle waved him off. “We’ll be better by tomorrow. Don’t call in sick.”

Zack lowered the phone and glowered at Elle, the force of it doubly impressive with his current death mask. “We need an ambulance.” He scolded, then panted before adding. “This is bad food poisoning.”

Elle frowned. “It’s not food poisoning. We’re just sick with something.”

His scowl deepened, sinking into every inch of Zack’s body language as he let his head sag to the side. “Really? Who got you sick?”

“We’re medics. We deal with a ton of people, it happens.”

“Who got _you_ sick?” Zack repeated, “You’ve been on light duty for two weeks, not sharing air with the public.”

“So? I got it from you.” Zack gave her a look that told her exactly what he thought of that kind of willful ignorance. They both knew it didn’t work out that way when they both fell sick within half an hour of each other.

Finally, Elle frowned and really paid attention to the signs of Zack’s illness, looking him over more as the professional than the roommate. His breathing was tired and quick. His eyes were shadowed and almost matte from dehydration. If he got any worse; he’d need a miracle worker and true love. Elle sighed and leaned her head back against the wall again. Though Zack was obviously worse off than Elle -she was only half dead, not mostly dead- there was no way she could convince him to go to the miracle worker without getting dragged along. “ _Fine_.” She whined. “Gimme the phone. You’re too tired.” Zack handed her his phone after starting the call.

Technically this was the sort of call BLS should have managed. Food poisoning didn’t require a full paramedic, but Margaret had a tyrannical mothering streak and would have a snit if Elle didn’t call their department. In a few rings, Elle was rubbing at the bridge of her nose and explaining to her boss that she’d poisoned herself and her partner, so they needed a pickup… yes, Zack at least was going to need help out. He couldn’t stand and Elle couldn’t support him.

Jake and Lucas showed up not ten minutes later, Elle barely managed to get to the front door in time to let them in. It was every bit as embarrassing as Elle anticipated. They rescued Zack from the toilet, bundled him up in blankets and wheeled him out of the building on the gurney, tiredly puffing oxygen from a rebreather mask. Elle tried to walk, but her healthy coworkers made her ride on the collapsible stretcher instead. Lucas made sure their door was locked and even grabbed some personal things while Jake started them on IV fluids.

Zack dozed off on the way to the hospital, barely waking when Jake took his blood pressure and shown a penlight in his eyes. Elle offered to fill out their Patient Care Report, but Jake shot her a look that communicated clearly he wasn’t forgetting how bad her documentation skills were.

Jake and Lucas efficiently transferred Zack and Elle to the hospital. There, fluids were pushed, antibiotics and antidiarrheals were administered, and the two of them were admitted into separate rooms to rest and wait for the results of their blood tests. Despite her reluctance to go to the hospital in the first place, once she was settled in her room Elle conked out just as hard as Zack.

Sometime after midnight, Elle woke up tangled in the thin hospital blankets and cursing a blue streak. She lunged for her personal items bag, missed, and fell in a graceless heap on the floor, yelping both from the impact and the unpleasant tug of her IV tubing on her arm. Her head swam, but she pulled herself back up onto the bed, then stood and grabbed her phone, swaying as she swiped away the picture of G-05t, then entered her password over a picture of Zack in his reading glasses to reveal her current wallpaper image of Blue holding a glass of fire water.

“What are you doing out of bed?” The night nurse demanded, drawn by the sound of her tumble.

“Zack and I have food poisoning.” Elle explained, still half asleep. “We both got it…” She pulled up her texting app and scrolled through her contacts.

“I see.” The nurse said patiently, not seeing. “Come on, back into bed. You really need your sleep.”

“Uh-huh…” Elle agreed. She allowed him to help her back into bed, and he fussed over her blankets and pillows while Elle typed.

Her phone chirped, acknowledging the sent message just as the nurse held out his hand. “Bedtime.” He scolded. “Put the phone down.” Elle complacently handed him the phone, blinking sleepily. The nurse took the device and shut it off, then set it aside where she could reach without belly-flopping out of bed first. He then went ahead and took another set of vitals. Elle dozed off without paying any mind to the blood pressure cuff tightening on her arm.

Across town a phone plastered with hunter orange duct tape flashed, vibrated, and a cheerful quintet of anesthetists sang, “ _Patient’s going down, doobie doo, down-down! Waking up is hard to do!_ ”

Papyrus looked up curiously from his computer. He used the same ringtone for all medical people type numbers and at this time of night he expected it to be another ambulance with a dead battery. Instead, Elle’s text read, “At hospital with salmonella. Check ksi re e.”

Human’s automatic spell check programs left everything to be desired. Thankfully, Papyrus was reputed to be smart… or used to be reputed to be smart. Whatever. Either way, he was smart enough to type ‘salmonella’ into a search engine and learn it was a real word for food poisoning and a reason humans might go to the hospital. So, if Elle was in the hospital, what needed to be checked? Zack probably wouldn’t have been corrected to ksi re e and they didn’t have a pet so… how long did it take for salmonella to set in? Another internet search. Salmonella could kick in as little as 8 hours after being contaminated, or as much as 72 hours. That put her in the window for that dinner Papyrus couldn’t save the humans from. If she was texting him it probably meant she wanted him to check on Katie.

With a small -and literal- pat on the back for figuring out this little puzzle, Papyrus slipped on his favorite orange hoodie and skipped real shoes in favor of tucking socked feet into sandals. He sent off a text to warn Katie of his imminent arrival, then stepped out of his bedroom door onto the catwalk outside her apartment. Papyrus knocked on her door and waited for either the knocking or the text to summon her so he could report to Elle.

But nobody came.

He knocked twice more, ringing the broken doorbell for good measure. Nothing.

Now, it’s hard for skeletons to stop grinning. That’s just the nature of the anatomy, but Papyrus came pretty close as the wait dragged on. In the months since he’d made this little deal with Katie, the human had dozed off a couple times while they were cuddled on the couch. Katie woke far more readily than Papyrus, and it wasn’t uncommon for her to stay awake past midnight on a weeknight. She should either be awake or able to hear the knocking.

Though… it was uncommon for her to miss a weekend dinner at Muffet’s…

Papyrus sent a fresh text and knocked again, starting to feel uneasy. The light over one of the neighbor’s doors came on and the door cracked open, closing a minute later either because they recognized him, their snoopy instincts were satisfied, or they just didn’t want to get involved with a monster thing.

But no light over Katie’s door. He had to get in there. Decision made, Papyrus glanced around, ensuring the all the neighbor’s doors were shut again before summoning a very small bone. He snapped it into two long, slender pieces. Papyrus couldn’t shortcut into a locked space until he was intimately familiar with the lock and he hadn’t gotten up the motivation to ask Katie before this so… needs must. He slid the thicker sliver of bone in and pushed down the plug, then eased the thinner sliver inside and jiggled around the pins, sliding them into place with the ease of a skeleton who’d picked nearly every lock in the underground -only the Ruins had eluded him. Not that the ‘old man’ hadn’t enjoyed his frustrated attempts.

First the sturdy deadbolt, then the smaller handle lock. As the door swung meekly aside, Papyrus knocked one last time -on the inside- and called, “Hello? Someone ask for a thief in the night?”

No response. There was a light on in the back of the apartment, but no others. Despite the dimness, Papyrus’s Underground adapt eye lights could easily see where Katie had kicked off her work boots two days prior and there were a couple stacks of notebooks, engineering journals, and a roll of drafting paper set out and ready to be used on her day off… which had been the entire day prior to midnight.

Good thing skeletons don’t have hair on the back of their vertebrae or Papyrus’s would be on end. He hurried toward the light in the back of the apartment which he knew came from the bathroom only because he’d seen Katie disappear back there as humans tend to do. The door was half closed and Papyrus gave one last courtesy, “Yello’?” Before pushing it open.

The bathroom was as sparse as the rest of her apartment, paint and tile still in the original colors, though the shower curtain had a checkered flag motif that matched the towel Katie had covered herself with.

“Shit!”

Katie was curled up on the cold bathroom floor, her bare legs poking out under the towel she was using for warmth. Her uncontrollable fluff-cloud of hair was now matted down in sweaty strings. Papyrus grabbed her shoulder and rolled her onto her back. For a moment, her laxness and the pallor of her skin had Papyrus convinced she was gone ~~he knew how human corpses looked…~~ but her shoulder was hot beneath his phalanges and metacarpals, even through the towel.

Papyrus looked around and found a little wire shelving unit with another towel on it, which he used to further cover Katie before he lifted her into his arms and stood up. Taking a moment to adjust to the weight, Papyrus carried her out of the bathroom and around the corner of the hospital to the ER entrance. A nurse and a medic Papyrus didn’t recognize were flirting by the truck until he yelled, “Help! I need help! This human is sick!”

The two humans jumped and hurried to meet him. A third stuck their head out of the truck, then sprinted through the doors into the ER, emerging seconds later with a gurney.

The first medic and the nurse checked Katie over. “What happened?” The nurse demanded in the same tone Alphys would demand a report.

“Some friends got food poisoning, so I went to check on her. She was unconscious in her bathroom.”

“Could she have fallen?” The medic was already checking her head for injuries. He pinched Katie’s ear, she grumbled and tried to curl toward Papyrus.

“She’d wrapped herself in a towel, I doubt she’s hurt.” Papyrus explained. The medic and nurse nodded their understanding.

The nurse checked Katie’s pulse at the neck while the medic stepped aside for their partner to get through with the gurney. “Stay with us, please. We need any information you can give us.” The nurse told him as Katie was settled on the gurney.

Papyrus agreed, but it wasn’t long after they stepped through the doors that he was separated from Katie. He got stuck doing paperwork and trying to remember what ‘next of kin’ meant while Katie was wheeled into a back room where a doctor and more nurses hurried in after her. He was able to fill out more of the papers after popping back to her apartment to snag her wallet and lock her door. Her next of kin turned out to be a father some few hundred miles away in a town so small and remote it might as well have been Surface Snowdin. Her health insurance was through Truitt Motors, so at least somebody was paying for the vials of blood being carried from her room by a caffeine deprived looking tech.

The nurse who’d given him the papers eventually stopped by and took them back, glancing the sheets over to ensure everything that was absolutely necessary -namely allergies and insurance- was written down. “Thank you for bringing her in.” The nurse said with a gentle dismissiveness that had Papyrus prickling.

“Is she going to be okay?” He asked.

The nurse’s smile was stiffly professional, she heard questions like these a lot and hated what she had to say but knew the necessity of it. “I’m afraid I can’t answer any questions.”

Papyrus shook his skull. “That doesn’t make any sense. I just brought her in. Why can’t you tell me if she’s going to be okay?”

“I’m sorry, sir, but there are strict privacy laws. Unless you’re either immediate family, her Power of Attorney, or she gives explicit consent for you to have access to her medical information I really can’t say another word. On top of violating her legal rights, I would lose my job and probably my license.” The nurse spoke with some sympathy, but not quite without the air of having said this a thousand times before.

Papyrus tried not to gape, but he felt like he’d had a thick steel door slammed in his face by this human barely half his size.

But… he kind of understood. He wasn’t family, he didn’t need to know Katie’s deepest, darkest, human bodiest secrets. Heck, they were really only buds with a running inside joke called “we’re dating”. At far as the hospital was concerned they didn’t know Papyrus from some criminal with strange intentions.

So, Papyrus scribbled a note on the back of his last cigarette receipt and tucked it into her wallet. He handed that and Katie’s phone over to the nurse who carefully bagged and labeled the items, then carried them further into the building, presumably to be given to Katie.

Papyrus took his time walking out of the hospital and even meandering for a couple blocks trying to clear his skull and figure out why he was letting himself get so worked up over this. Heck, he’d probably carried Katie to the hospital dozens of times and would again, who knew?

Well, besides the obvious. Chara wasn’t talking and Temmie was playing house pet.

That thought helped Papyrus to find his usual reserve and detachment. If anything happened to Katie or the other humans, they’d be fine again next time Chara got bored. With a snort, Papyrus took a shortcut home and went to bed.


	13. Girl Talk

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The ladies chat and the brothers have a heart to heart.

Dr. Samuels was an otorhinolaryngologist -that is, he specialized in medicine concerning and around the eyes, ears, nose, and throat. Normally he didn’t get involved in simple food poisoning cases, but Katie was insistent.

So, Dr. Samuels came into the hospital room Katie and Elle were now sharing with a tray of cups. He set these on Elle’s medicine tray and had her sip from each of the little paper cups, tell him what she tasted, and then rinse her mouth with water before sipping from the next little paper cup.

Elle did as she was told. Dutifully reporting the first cup tasted salty, the second cup sour. The third paper cup she reported held water, the fifth was sweet. The last little paper cup Elle wasn’t sure about. She called it, “Tasty, not salty. Kind of like meat or fat?”

Dr. Samuels nodded. “That cup contains MSG. We call it ‘savory’ or ‘umami’.” Elle nodded. “Tell me, do you drink coffee?”

“I’m a medic. It’s three of my five basic food groups.” Elle joked.

That made Dr. Samuels chuckle and nod. “How do you take it?”

“Large bore IV.” Elle quipped, then added, “I drink it with salt and butter.”

Dr. Samuels nodded and made some notes on the digital tablet he carried. “Is that how you like your coffee or just how you take your coffee?”

Elle shrugged. “I just take it like that. I don’t really like coffee.”

“Can you tell me why?”

“It’s bland.”

“Ah-HA!” Katie whooped from her side of the hospital room.

Elle frowned but Dr. Samuels ignored the outburst. He continued asking Elle questions about things like grapefruit and if her tastes in food had changed much since she was a child. Finally, he made one last note in his tablet and smiled at Elle in that way doctors have when they’ve finished their work and have reached a conclusion. “It appears your ability to taste bitterness is greatly diminished, possibly absent.” Dr. Samuels explained.

“So…” Elle didn’t really know what to make of that. “That can’t be right. I would have noticed if I…” She didn’t know what she should have noticed.

Samuels explained. “It’s not uncommon for persons with diminished senses to take a while to realize. Aside from those who are blind or deaf, it’s possible to function in society for quite some time without realizing that one’s normal perception of the world isn’t the same as others’. A child with a diminished sense of touch might be dismissed as clumsy. You likely believed your neutrality toward bitter foods was just a matter of personality rather than biology.”

“Huh.” Elle intoned. “So… what do I do about it? Is there a cure or…”

He shook his head and threw away the little paper and plastic cups he’d used to test Elle. “There are some surgeries or medications that help with some cases of diminished senses, but I don’t know of any that would help you. I would simply advise you to just be a little more careful when cooking.” Samuels smiled jovially and shook Elle’s hand before leaving the room to inform Finance of the need to charge Elle’s insurance another arm and a leg for the consultation, and then maybe write a paper on the experience.

Elle remained on her bed, thinking over what she’d been told with a tightly furrowed brow.

Katie dropped her half-eaten toast back on her food tray, then rolled on her side and used the raised bed to look at Elle without actually getting up. Full meals and moderate physical effort were still beyond her. “You okay?” She asked.

“I guess?” Elle replied. “I mean… It’s kind of a big deal but what can I do about it?”

“You can learn to cook from someone who actually knows how to cook.” Katie said, restarting the argument which led to the literal taste test in the first place.

“Blue can cook. I’m the one who’s weird.” Elle said.

“ _Geeze,_ you’ve got it bad.” Katie marveled.

“Got what?” Elle feigned innocence well enough, but her skin was already coloring.

“You have a crush on Blue.”

“I do not have a crush. I’m not a teenager.” Elle insisted.

“You’re being stupid about someone you -capital ‘L’- like. You have a crush.” Katie said.

“I don’t… We’re just friends.” Elle sputtered, knowing she was spitting out stale clichés. “I do not have a crush on Blue.”

“Have you told him his tacos nearly killed me?” The doctor was wrong. Elle was perfectly capable of picking up on that slender vein of bitterness in Katie’s question.

“I cooked the meat, symptoms match salmonella. It was my fault.” Elle said, not answering the question.

“You burnt that meat to a cinder. Don’t tell me germs could survive that.” Katie said, then before Elle could respond she retraced her steps. “You haven’t told Blue you’re in the hospital?”

Elle crossed her legs under the covers and fiddled with a bit of lint on her blanket, not answering.

“You haven’t told him.” Katie confirmed after a minute of tense silence. “Then I guess you also haven’t told him you like him, have you?”

Elle whipped around, almost snarling. “ _Don’t_!”

It was junior high all over again. “Oh, you don’t want me to tell Blue you have a huge crush on him?”

“I do not have a crush on him!” Elle insisted, trying to stare the truth of her words into Katie’s soul. Katie just smirked an lifted an eyebrow. Gradually it dawned on Elle. She glowered. “You’re planning to blackmail me, aren’t you?”

Katie tapped her finger to her nose. “Yep.”

“What do you want?” Elle grouched.

“I’m taking over your cooking lessons. If you and Blue want to cook like humans, maybe you should learn from a human. You know, instead of a herbivore who doesn’t eat cooked food?”

“…herbivore…” Elle turned Katie’s last argument over. “Alphys is a herbivore? Why is she teaching Blue to cook meat?!”

“She’s not teaching Bl- b…” Katie stopped and yawned. “She’s not teaching Blue to cook meat. She’s teaching him to make charcoal. And he’s teaching you.”

“How did you even learn that? I’ve been to her house and she never said anything!”

“Undyne.” Katie smiled. “We text. She’s so cool.”

Elle flopped back on her bed, mumbling and muttering to herself. When she’d vented for long enough, Elle said. “Fine. Alphys can’t cook. Whatever. But why should I learn to cook from you instead?”

No reply. Katie had fallen asleep mid conversation. Seeing her made Elle grimace, both at the reminder of how close it had been for the other woman, and the position Katie was sliding into with the head of the bed still raised. Elle pushed her covers back and snagged her IV bag off the hook before crossing the room. She hung her bag next to Katie’s, lowered the bed, moved Katie into a more comfortable position, and retrieved her bag again before returning to her own bed.

“Fine.” Elle grumbled as she hooked her bag up again. “You win.”

Elle spent the next few minutes angrily texting Zack to demand why he hadn’t told her the tacos were bad, and the next couple of hours ignoring the fact that she was a hypocrite because she still hadn’t told Blue.

She spent the next hours after that wondering how she was going to break the news to Blue.

~~~

Papyrus stared at the tacos on his plate. Same as ever, three tacos. Ash, typhus shells, charcoal meat, lettuce, sour cream, tomato, salsa, and grief.

Blue smiled brightly at him, eye lights like stars, but white instead of cyan blue.

“Anything happen at work today?” Papyrus asked.

“Oh yes, Papyrus! Queen Toriel had another meeting with the city water council! It went very well!” Blue said. And then he smiled at Papyrus.

“That’s great.” Papyrus said. He looked down at the tacos again, then up at Blue. “Kid doing okay?”

“Chara is doing very well! They had a math test today! I’m sure they scored perfectly!” Of course he was sure. Blue tutored Chara in math after all. But he didn’t brag about it, nor did he cackle over how impressed the teachers would be, nor did he start off on his usual shpeel over every single detail that had happened to him that day. “And how was your day, brother?”

“Good… it was good.” Papyrus answered the same as he ever did.

Blue smiled at him. Quiet. Gloved hands folded in his lap as he sat… and smiled.

Papyrus started to sweat and he wasn’t even sure why.

“Work was fine.” Papyrus repeated. “Worked on a Ducati! Those are cool.”

“That’s nice! I’m glad!” Blue said, not getting drawn in.

He smiled. Papyrus perspired.

The tacos sat.

Papyrus picked up the first taco and took a bite.

 _Sun and stars!_ Blue’s tacos were always so spicy and bitter! Even the intent of the magic laid into the food did nothing to cover the actual flavor!

“Is it good?” Blue asked.

“Yeah, bro.” Papyrus swallowed, hard. “Great. You, uh, put something special in these?”

“Oh, nothing special! Those are last night’s leftovers!” Blue said.

“Giving up on the ol’ food museum?” Papyrus teased.

Blue smiled. “Yes! I did clean it out a lot today!”

“That’s…” Completely unexpected. Some of those tacos were mementos from their house in the Underground.

Blue smiled.

He was doing _that thing_. That thing he knew Papyrus hated. Whenever Blue was really mad at Papyrus Blue would act and talk in a way that gave Papyrus absolutely nothing he could puzzle together. Blue was an absolute open book most of the time so when he shut down like this it could drive Papyrus up the wall!

“Is there something you’re not telling me, bro?” Papyrus asked, not liking that he had to ask for clues.

Blue’s smile didn’t so much as twitch. “Me? No!” He tilted his skull to the side just so. “And you, Papyrus? Is there something you are not telling me?”

And there was the clue Papyrus needed to solve the puzzle. “Tori told you?”

Blue blinked, no longer forcing the stars in his white eye lights, but the smile remained. “Yes! It was an accident, though! Her majesty thought my brother already told me our human friends have been in their hospital for three days!” Something glittered in Blue’s eye sockets. “Queen Toriel asked if I wanted time off to visit them! She’s very nice!” Familiar blue magic was pooling Blue’s eye sockets, threatening to spill over. “So! I took some time and went to visit my friends! Elle and Katie were asleep, but human Zack was awake! He was very happy to learn that monsters don’t get sick! Not even from salmonella!”

Papyrus glanced down at the plate, then up at his brother again. The magic from his eye sockets was starting to trickle down his round arches –‘cheeks’ humans called them. “Zack told you about the tacos?” Papyrus asked, resigned.

“Oh no! I had to look ‘salmonella’ up on the internet! Then! I realized there was only one way for all three of our human friends to get sick at the same time! My tacos!” Blue stood abruptly, reaching across the table and grabbing Papyrus’s plate, then flinging it across the kitchen to land squarely in the trash can. “Don’t worry, brother! I know you weren’t the only one lying to me!”

Blue pushed his chair back under the table, then walked across the house, up the stairs, and into his bedroom where he closed the door politely. His boots hadn’t made a single sound on the floor, though they were new and sometimes squeaked, and the creaky step hadn’t creaked.

Papyrus found himself staring at a couple splatters of blue magic seeping into the carpet almost as fast as they were evaporating into the air.

For a moment, just a moment, he found himself envying the other Papyruses.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> To be fair, it could have been the ice cream... it wasn't, but it could have been...


	14. Blue's Emotionally Bouncy.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Blue bounces back from his upset in the last chapter.  
> Elle spontaneously decides to test how bouncy he is.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> For the record; the BRAT diet is Bread, Rice, Applesauce, and Tea. It's a dated method of giving a patient with gastric upset foods that are easy to digest. In most hospitals this means highly processed foods with no fiber or protein, which means a prolonged recovery period. Also; I have NEVER had good tea in a hospital. Somebody introduce the surgeon general to Uncle Iro, STAT.

Elle had pity on Katie and took her first real meal of something other than bread, rice, applesauce, and tea into Zack’s room. Neither Zack nor Katie were cleared off the -frankly- outdated dietary practice, but Elle was more comfortable torturing Zack with the smell of greasy Salisbury steak, dry instant potatoes, overcooked green beans, and soggy carrots.

Still better than a B.R.A.T. diet.

“Blue stopped by.”

Elle flinched but managed to swallow her milk without choking, “Really? What did you tell him?”

Zack sighed and flopped back on his pillows. “I told him it was salmonella. Nothing else.”

“Oh… that’s good?”

“You know he’s going to figure out the rest on his own.” He sounded resigned.

“Yeah… if only someone had said something earlier.” Elle said. It was Zack’s turn to flinch. “So… why didn’t you say something sooner?”

Zack checked his phone in case some message that would save him from this conversation had come without alerting him. He set the phone down again, twiddled his thumbs for a bit, and finally spat it out. “You were happy.”

“And you thought I’d be less happy if you pointed out that my cooking wasn’t actually getting better? Or did you not notice I don’t react normally to food?”

“Kind of… I mean, you always finish off the burnt coffee… burnt anything. I just thought you were weird. I like you weird.”

“You like me weird?” Elle parroted skeptically, pointing her spork at him to emphasize her judgement.

Zack shrugged, then nodded. “You’ve always had an iron stomach. You hate getting up early and you hate studying, but you do both all the time because you love your job, and you love your job because you like people. You’re you. I’m rather fond of you.” He finished with a crooked grin.

Elle grinned, eyes sparkling with mischief. “That was really sweet, but also awkward because you totally didn’t lead into touchy-feely-time properly.”

Her roommate snorted. “I thought girls were supposed to like touchy-feely time? It proves I’m in touch with my feminine side or something.”

“If I get weepy you get prickly and call me ‘woman.’” Elle told him.

“I also bring you chocolate and let you watch musicals.”

“Let me? I hate musicals!”

“That’s why I let you join me when you’re sad. Mocking sudden dance sequences cheers you up.”

“That it does.” Elle agreed, cheering up at the thought.

“And you like West Side Story.”

Her good cheer vanished. “I do not.”

“You sing ‘Officer Krupke’ to every cop within hearing distance.”

She fluttered her eyelashes. “Only the ones that let me hit them with a rolled-up newspaper.”

“If they don’t let you, you hit me!” Zack insisted.

Elle hopped out of the visitor’s chair and pulled Zack into a hug -not a warm hug full of feelings but an uncomfortable arm crush that squished Zack’s nose against her cheek as Elle posed like an old movie starlet. “I can do nothing less for my darling little brother.”

Zack shoved her away with great effort -struggling against her regular workouts and his lingering reaction to the salmonella. “I’m older than you! And bigger! Get off!” Elle snickered as she allowed herself to be shoved back into the visitor’s chair. “Augh.” Zack griped. “Just go home already, the doctors think you’re better.”

Elle pouted and whined. “Yeah but… it’ll be quiet.”

Some of the playfulness lingered, but her brow furrowed and her eyes tightened. Zack saw this, and weakened. “I know. They’ll probably let me go tomorrow.” He reminded her. “You should call Kendra. I’m sure she’ll come over. Keep you company.”

“Kendra’s covering for us tonight.” Elle pointed out.

“Right.” Zack agreed, remembering. He picked up his phone again and scrolled through the contacts. “You could call Bl-”

“NO **.** ” Elle cut him off.

Zack frowned. “You know he’d be happy too… wait, are you blushing?”

“No.” Elle repeated, covering her face just in case.

“You are! Come on, when are you just going to admit you like the guy?” Zack teased.

Elle glared at him between her fingers. “You want I should have a conversation with that barista on third?” She threatened.

Zack’s smile vanished. “No.”

“That’s what I thought.”

“But I’m not friends with her.” Zack pushed.

“Zack, please, just let it go.”

Zack huffed, then nodded. “Okay. But only for now.”

“I’ll take what I can get.”

A knock on the door signaled the arrival of a nurse. “Good afternoon, you two.” He greeted them, then nodded specifically to Elle, “I believe you’re due back in your room to start checking out?”

“I guess.” Elle said, she paused to hook Zack in a more genuinely affectionate one armed hug before leaving.

She walked down the hall, dragging her little IV stand behind her and waving at the nurse behind the duty desk before going into the room she shared with Katie and freezing. “Blue!”

The monster, the single person, Elle _least_ wanted to see her modeling a hospital gown sat on the visitor’s chair beside Katie. “Hello friend Elle! I’m glad to see you feeling better!” Blue announced.

Elle’s smile was a little forced and she made sure to keep her back away from Blue as she circled the room. “Hey Blue. How nice of you to visit.” Her voice shook a little. Any other day she’d be fine, but between both Katie and Zack teasing her and the opening in the back of her gown? She would kill for a pair of pants and a bra right now.

“But naturally! I couldn’t leave my friends to be lonely and sick!” Blue boasted, but then his smile and cheer slipped. “I am saddened that I did not learn of my friends sickness from those selfsame friends, though.” He scolded.

Elle flinched and stopped circling, just stood guiltily. Yep. This felt worse than being caught in the hospital gown. “I… about that… I’m… I should have texted or called, I’m sorry”

“That’s alright.” Blue said, cheering as he announced happily, “I forgive you!” Elle returned the smile, relieved. She’d learned by now that Blue took forgiveness very seriously, even though he granted it easily. Elle promised herself never to take that for granted.

Katie boasted, “Blue was kind enough to forgive me because I still have guest status.”

Blue nodded. “Yes! It was Pappy’s friend Katie’s first time eating my food! She was just being very polite. But Papyrus!” Blue pouted, his grin shrinking and somehow that make his zygomatic arches just look more like pouty cheeks. How? It was impossible yet it was adorable? “I’ve been cooking his meals for years! And he never said anything! Not even after I made everyone so sick!” His pout crumpled into something sadder still and he blinked rapidly for a moment. Katie looked alarmed and started reaching for those awful paper tissues hospitals supplied for patients, just in case.

“Hey, whoah.” Elle held her hands up and stepped closer to Blue. “Whoah there. Don’t forget we both had a hand in that.” She sat on the edge of Katie’s bed to be a little closer to Blue’s sitting level and put an arm on his shoulder, squeezing gently. “I just had a word with Zack about the whole ‘not telling the truth’ thing. He was unusually sweet, but he said he kept quiet about our cooking lessons because it made us happy, and quirky. I’m sure Papyrus’s reasons are the same.”

“I am sure that is true.” Blue agreed, “But it does not change the fact that Papyrus was not treating me with respect… he does that sometimes. Like he forgets who the older brother is.”

Elle shrugged. “Yeah, well. We want to protect the people we care about, and it’s hard to be protective without seeming patronizing.”

Blue took a moment, absorbing this tidbit of wisdom. Then nodded. “Yes. You’re right.” He was about to say something further when his phone rang. Anime characters chirped some catchphrase and if that wasn’t enough the device was also on vibrate, which rattled loudly against Blue’s ribs. The noise was almost like the deeper notes of a xylophone, almost musical, and completely hilarious. The skeleton yelped and jumped, then scrambled to pull the phone out of his denim jacket. Katie grabbed her hospital pillow and deliberately tried to smother herself while Elle focused on staying very, very, still. “Jeepers! I forgot Alphys changed my ringtones again!” Blue complained.

Katie’s shoulder’s shook, but she managed to keep quiet and avoid drawing attention as Blue looked at his phone, perking at the ID on the message. “Oh! Human Zack has sent me a message!” He said.

“Oh?” Elle asked. Zack wasn't under any obligation to tell her he planned to chat with Blue, but she had just seen Zack and Blue had come up in the conversaion.

“I’ll read it out loud!” Blue said. “ _Blue, I am so very, very, very,_ that many is just bad grammar.” A squeaked emerged from Katie’s mute pillow. “ _sorry I didn’t tell you or Elle about the tacos. It’s okay if you want to be mad at me_ Oh! I still have to tell friend Zack I am not mad at him! _But I need you to do me a huge, huge favor._ He doesn’t repeat this much when we talk.”

Katie’s pulse oximeter -the device that read oxygen levels in her blood, chirped a warning. She didn’t remove her face from the pillow.

Elle narrowed her eyes suspiciously at the phone. “He wouldn’t.”

“ _And please don’t tell Elle I sent you this message._ ” The bone between Blue’s eye sockets creased. He felt they’d all just been through a perfectly good example of why keeping secrets from friends and family was a bad idea, and here Zack was asking him to keep another. “ _Elle just got discharged and will go home today. She doesn’t like to be alone so could you_ -“

“NO!” Elle lunged for the phone. Katie’s laughter came clearly audible through the pillow as Elle and Blue crashed to the floor, Elle desperately trying to get the phone away from a startled Blue.


	15. Yup, Hiatus.

Okay, so... After the first two or three chapters I really am not satisfied with the writing on this. Everything that happened was supposed to happen, but I definitely don't like the grasp I have on Blue or quite how some character relations are turning out.

SO!

Indefinite Hiatus Announcement; This story will be on hiatus until such a time as I either stick it back in the furnace and hammer it out a lot more -which will include re-writing previous chapters and deleting this one- or until I'm finally off the hook with Jerry. . . which will hopefully be the end of October. If he doesn't like my Kinktober story, I'll probably start posting another one to meet his quota until I can gut this one and rework it.

So... Happy Fall Semester everyone? Study hard if you're in school, watch something educational if you're not! (I'm watching WWII in Real Time in my free time, and the miniseries Wartime Farms.)


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